For the past
couple of months, the bigger kids have been coming up to me one by one with
serious fear and concern. They expressed themselves something like this….
“Mom! You
can’t!!!”
“NO! MOM! He’s
not ready!”
“He’s too
young! Don’t do this!”
The day has
finally come. It was time for Benjamin to experience…….wait for it…….THE SEX
TALK! If you have read my previous blogs, you may have read Theresa’s 8 year
old birthday blog. I’m not going to reread it. I want Ben’s blog to be uniquely
his even if I am repeating myself which I’m sure I will since nothing about sex
has changed in the last 3 years. Right? I didn’t get grief about giving any of
my other 8 year olds this talk but Benjamin is different. He is just a
different breed of a boy. I know this but he will still be a different breed of
a boy when he is 9, 10, 14, 18, 30 something, etc.
This talk is
scheduled for all of our kids when they turn 8 years old. I understand that it
seems too young but if I went by the age that most parents gave the talk to
their kids, they would never get it. Seriously. Did you ever get a real talk
about the inner and outer workings of sex (no pun intended) from your parents?
Congratulations if you said yes but all I ever got was gross looks from my mom’s
face and “I’ll tell you when you’re older” (I was 18) from my dad.
So, at the
ripe old age of 22, I got my hands on How
to Talk to Your child about Sex by Linda & Richard Eyre. I was reading
it in the delivery room right after I gave birth to Mary Kate. I know, I may
have been a bit ahead of the game but I am making up for it now as I sit on my
bed at 10:00 at night as the kids run wild around the house.
I am supposed to spend several weeks building
his excitement prior to the talk. I am supposed
to say things like…..
“Your dad
and I are SO excited to tell you the most WONderful thing God gave us!”
“We are
going to let you in on a very exciting secret.”
“This is
really something fantastic, and it’s going to be such fun to tell you about it.”
But instead,
all he heard was….
“He’s EIGHT!
He’s getting the talk whether he’s ready or not.”
“We have to
give him this talk before we lose the book again.”
“There is
never a good time to tell Ben so get over it.”
I’m pretty
sure Ben got more pumped up with what he heard then what the book said I was
supposed to say. He is just that kind of kid.
The day has
come! The restaurant he picked was the T-Rex restaurant WAY out at The Legends
in Kansas City, KS. I told him to dress up really nice and he ran in my room
screaming, “I’M READY!” in his race car shirt and camouflage pants. I sent him
away to change into real church clothes. He comes in my room all dressed up and
muttered, “I’m ready”.
After Samantha takes our picture, the three of us, plus baby,
are on our way.
Benjamin is
SO excited all the way there. He can’t WAIT to find out this secret. I just
love this age. The reason we chose eight years old is because, “it is a window
between the disinterest of very young childhood and the moodiness and
unpredictability of prepuberty.” (-Linda & Richard Eyre) I am reminded of
this when the book that we use to read, teach and show the kids about sex was
brought out of hiding. Theresa finds it, opens it and starts to giggle. She
passes it along to Max and then Samantha. Pretty soon, I have a house full of
immature giggling basketcases. Thank goodness Nick wasn’t home. He would have
been the worst. Eight year olds are trusting, open, innocent and anxious to
please. None of my 8 year olds acted as
infantile as they do now at 11, 13 and 14. Oh, and 20.
After we
order our food, Ben is bobbing up and down, back and forth. “Tell me the secret
now! Tell me now. Tell me now. Tell me now. Tell me now.” I was getting dizzy.
This boy won’t sit still.
We went
through the preliminary questions…..
“Name some
wonderful things God made.”
“Why is a
person awesome?”
“Where do
you think babies come from?”
“How do you
physically show someone that you love them?”
Now it’s
time for Where Did I Come From by
Peter Mayle. This is the climax of the afternoon! (Sorry. I couldn’t help it!)
Goodness.
Ben’s reaction was nothing like the other kids. He laughed and giggled and
couldn’t believe that his parents would do such a thing. If nothing else, I
know for sure he totally understood what sex is. I was not too sure if the
other kids understood but this boy did. He totally did.
During our
excursion with fighting and wrestling to turn back to the pages with naked
people (cartoon), we accidently ripped out a page. All of us start to laugh. He
was SO into this talk and so fascinated with this new information he just
learned.
But now we
are scared. It was not too early to tell the other kids but was it too early to
tell Ben? I don’t know. He seemed more engrossed with this information then we
wanted him to be. He was laughing and smiling more than we have ever seen. I am
not sure what to think. All I know is that he is part of the older group of
kids now. He can share and talk about sex with his older brothers and sisters
but has been sworn to secrecy with everyone else.
From this
day forward, Roy and I will be sharing with Ben what we learned from Blessed
John Paul II’s Theology of the Body and he will understand. Our body is the
visible reality of the invisible God. When a man and wife make love, they are
renewing their vows. Their one flesh union is a sign of the one flesh union
that we have with Jesus in the Eucharist.
Yes, he got
this talk too but all he wanted to do is look at the naked pictures. Sigh….There
is still time. Pray for him.
