Artificial Birth Control - No tomato throwing, please!

As a Catholc, not only have I been asked thousands of questions about my faith, I have also been the one asking questions. Why do we believe this... Why do we believe that.  I can't imagine a person out there that knows everything that has been revealed to us so far. I want to spend the rest of my life learning about my faith and all of its beauty. There is one moral subject in the Catholic church that I have never questioned. Oddly enough, it happens to be the most controversial. It is about the use of artificial contraception.  I have some theories as to why I never questioned their usage. Let me go through a couple of them with you.

#1 My mom had perfect timing. When I started menstruating as a young teen, she explained to me exactly what was going on. She explained about my body preparing for the egg, the signs I will see to know it is preparing itself, the release of the egg and its short-lived life, and the release of all this preparation as a result of no conception. It was a beautiful and perfect story. God had designed a woman's body just perfect and, pardon the cliché.... like clockwork. He designed it in a way that makes all of us active participants with God in the building of our families. The reason I say that my mom had perfect timing is because I didn't learn about  the Pill, condoms, IUD's, etc. until I had a good couple years of getting to know my own body and its cycle. I remember thinking, "Why would someone need any of this stuff if God already gave us the information about when we were fertile and when we weren't?" I never felt like the sharpest knife in the drawer ;) so I thought everyone knew how babies were made. All these years and hearing , "Don't you know what causes that?", it was really them that didn't know. If they really knew how babies were made, they wouldn't need to be on birth control. The Pill in particular can be so deceptive. As I googled around about the Pill, I saw "Women can now have control of their reproductive cycle..." How deceiving! These women are not going to have one bit of control of their cycle now. It will be out of their hands and the Pill will be doing all the work. Which brings up the next subject. .

Just what does this "Pill" do for us? Before I get into the diseases, infertility and all of the cancers women are now more inclined to contract,  let me tell you what the Pill was originally designed to do. The Pill was supposed to stop ovulation from occurring. After some time and too many women getting pregnant, another feature was added to the Pill. A much more devastating feature.  Now, a synthetic hormone was added to the  Pill which will thin out the inner lining of the uterus from the 5-13mm it is to about 1mm so if fertilization DOES occur, the baby will slip right through and no one will be the wiser. More unborn babies will die in America then there are people living in it by 2003.(1)





  Lovely right? Hence, this is one of many reasons that Blessed John Paul II called our culture the culture of death.  Here are a litany of other things the Pill can give us...

                * increased risk of breast cancer by 40%

                *infertility is increased by 70% if the Pill is used for 4 or more years

                *High blood pressure

                *blood clots

                *stroke

                *Heart attack

                *depression

                *weight gain

                *migraines

                *increased sugar level in diabetics

                *increased risk of disabilities to the baby if conceived while on the Pill

                * 15 times more likely to develop cervical cancer

                * The Pill allows cancer causing agents to have access to your body because it lowers your           immune system, causing you to become sick easier and contract an STD easier as well

#2  I had grown up believing that God was the giver and taker of life. It is pretty simple. I don't think that needs any follow-up information. It was just a matter of putting 2 and 2 together.   "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you" Jeremiah 1:5. God gives us life. I have heard from some of my fellow cafeteria Catholics, "If God really wants you to have a child, don't you think He will give you one?" (This question is in defense of our "NO" to God via artificial birth control.) In which my reply is, "God can do anything of course. But our free will can say 'no' to Him which is what we do when we contracept. God does not want us to sin but we do it anyway.  So, yes, we are perfectly able to say 'no' to God, even in area's as important as when life should begin."

A couple is incapable of truly giving themselves completely to one another when contraception is used. They are saying, "I give everything I have to you, except my fertility." This is not what Jesus did when He gave His life for His bride. He did not say, "Go ahead and nail my hands to the cross, but please not my feet." He gave His entire body to His church totally, faithfully, freely AND fruitfully. If we are to imitate Him, we must give ourselves to our spouse totally, faithfully, freely and fruitfully too.

So, let me repeat my question. Why are so many women on birth control if we are given the means to control our cycle naturally?  Reason #1. The most common problem that I hear about is from the women who do not have normal cycles. They are, in fact, painful, and not regular. My 16 year old daughter started menstruating when she turned 14. In that short time, she has had 2 cycles that lasted between 30-45 days with bouts of surprises in between. Our first stop was the Gynecologist at Childrens Mercy. Her solution was to put her on birth control. Her exact words were, "She's getting to that age where it would serve 2 purposes." Now, let me tell you again, I am not the sharpest knife and I do not know what is best for a woman in this position. All I know is that Mary Kate can not live like this and I would do whatever it takes to regulate her and take this ugly and painful fact of life away from her which, YES, includes putting her on the Pill. Being on the Pill for medical reasons is not a sin. Before I decided to do that, I went to a Pro-Life Catholic doctor. There are other alternatives! She takes medication 10 days a month to regulate her cycle and it has worked like a charm. We are praying that she can be off of them in 3 months and be regular naturally. Go figure. Of course, this will not work for everyone but I was able to come up with an answer to others responses when they bring up this subject. The answer is, ask for other alternatives! You will get a good and honest answer if you see a pro-life Catholic doctor;) ....even if your not Catholic (I didn't have to check that Catholic box on the paperwork. lol). You may be surprised to find out that there are really other alternatives that will not disrupt your fertility. Also, the Pill does not fix any fertility problems. It only masks the effects. Have you ever heard of any woman who has taken the Pill for a time and then got off because she was now cured? The pains, irregularity and pains with fertility need to be healed, not hidden. Ask your doctor about healing you and not just hide the symptoms.

Reason #2.  The thought of taking the reigns is very scary. Uh, yeah! It's very scary! Even though my mom told me the fundamentals, I didn't start taking the NFP (Natural Family Planning) classes until after the birth of my 2nd baby. I needed more then just "My mommy told me so.." classes. Mary Kate had special needs and I felt I had reason to avoid a pregnancy for a time. Actually, the thought of having another baby terrified me. We didn't want to practice the NFP method. We needed to already know it. These classes are taken during the engagement process but my lovely pregnancy got in the way. We managed to get through the first couple months with no pregnancy and had a confident feel for my body and its cycle. I was able to wipe the sweat off my brow. Whew! I imagine that a woman  feels that this NFP method is too good to be true. After all, I have 8 kids which discredits me, right? lol. Don't let me deceive you. I do NOT use NFP anymore. I have been open to life and have never had a serious reason not to be. Plus, my body is too good for me. I've been blessed with a perfect design in there.  My advise to all women is to really try to take control of your reproductive cycle. Call your local hospital and ask about NFP classes. It's not just for Catholics! Or, call a Catholic church and ask how you can take these classes. You will feel healthier and more empowered. YOU will be in control.  It will require you to get off all artificial birth control and avoid relations with your husband for a time but putting yourself in control of your own body will be worth it, I promise! You will be proud of yourself. If you or your husband can not avoid sex for the greater good then your love really needs to be put into question. Which brings me to another topic!....

Reason #3. Couple's don't want to abstain! I don't know why....I look forward to abstaining. LOL. TMI, sorry. Back to the subject. Couple's have to abstain for a million different reasons. One of you may be sick. If you can't abstain, your love has to be called into question. One of you may be out of town. If you can't abstain, your love and even marriage will be called into question. You may be in public. If you can't abstain?...You get the idea. Um, we're not animals. We can abstain during the fertile periods. Have you ever heard someone use the expression, "That's enough birth control for me!" when they witness a crowd of unruly children? Its a joke but really, it is the key to NFP.  When my husband and I wanted to avoid a baby, it was all TOO easy to abstain. You won't be having convulsions next to your spouse in a time of abstinence. As a matter of fact, coming back together will be as exciting as a honeymoon night. If that is not true for you, take a Theology of the Body class. The way you view your spouse will forever change...for the better;)

In conclusion. A woman's fertility is not a disease that needs pills or shots to neuter us so we can now be sexually available to have lifeless love with our spouse. Our fertility is beautifully designed by God to make us all active participants in our reproduction of God's little people. When the serpent came to Adam & Eve, what did he say to convince them to eat the forbidden fruit? He said, "You will be like God..." What are we doing when we take God out of the equation?  We have made ourselves our own god. We can not say that we want God to be part of every aspect of our lives....except here....except with our fertility. Our lack of trust and faith has brought us into this culture of death. I know it can be hard to have that trust in God and trust in His design in our flawed bodies. If it were easy, what would our faith really be worth?

(1) Kuhar, Bogomir. Infant Homicides through Contraceptives, Eternal Life, 2003.

Father's Day

     My poor father thinks I will have nothing to say about him in a blog. Well, that is not true! I have plenty to say! I just need to delete 3 of the 4 pages to keep it positive. LOL! Sorry Dad. 

     My sister and I grew up poor. We didn't know it until we were adults because the lack of money had zero effect on us. Sometimes, it was even better than having that silver spoon. I remember living in a dump in Springfield, Missouri. It was teeny tiny. My sister and I rode tricycles all over the house because nothing could ruin the house more then it already was. We had to take baths in the kitchen sink because there was no shower or bath tub. Thats right. The kitchen sink was even my parents bath tub. We did not live there for very long but I remember having a great time in that dumpy house. I think we even found my new mattress in the neighbors garbage there too. I loved that mattress. The yellow stain around the teal colored flowers were a beautiful combination. I remember grinning from ear to ear when I saw it lying on the curb. As a matter of fact, I'm remembering a few other belongings that came from dump sites. What treasures they were!

     I know that my dad has another life that I know nothing about. He has never spoken about his work or who he worked with. He just left in the morning, leaving my room smelling of diesel fuel,  and came back in the evening.  I do remember coming home from school one day and my mom stopped me before I went inside. She told me that Dad got laid off  today and to be sensitive. I felt so bad for him! He had struggled to support his little family for such a long time. I knew that he was having difficulty with his job but he would never admit to it. Like my mom, he never would say a cross word about anyone...except liberal politicians...then, it can get ugly. Don't mention Carter, Clinton or Obama. And for the love of God, don't tell him he looks like Jimmy Carter. He has been mistaken for him several times. Well, don't worry dad. You look much more like Bill Clinton then Jimmy Carter.

     Our little family moved 13 times in my first 12 years of life. It was difficult for my dad to find a steady job but he finally settled at the Army Corp of Engineers where he retired. What is important here is that all of this stress, uncertainty, moving and making new friends meant nothing to me or my sister. Now, I can't say that about my parents. I'm sure they felt every bit of the hardships but it never trickled down to us. They never shared "adult" issues with us. They were our foundation.  As long as we had each other, that is all we needed. When I see families struggle because of natural disasters, I never feel bad for the children. I know that sounds awful but it is because of my own memories as a child. If I had my parents, nothing else mattered. I did not need the toys or friends. I had my family. Every move was a new adventure. Fortunately, we never ate in a soup kitchen but I'm sure I would have been excited about that too.  Hearing stories about kids being separated from their family is what would break my heart.

     My dad was not the religious or spiritual leader of the home but he was the leader in matter of morals. He does not have one deceptive bone in his body. He walks the straight and narrow path at all times. If he found a dollar in the middle of the highway, he would give every effort to find its owner before giving it away to charity. Even if he were poor, hungry and broke, he would never spend even a nickel of money that he didn't earn. If a pop machine gave him 2 pops on accident, he would slip in more money to make it right. What an example for us kids. I'm sure he's rolling his eye's right now and wondering why I didn't follow this example. An extra pop is..."JACKPOT" to me. But, I think of my dad every time I am tempted...sigh, and then drink my extra pop. Typing this blog is making me realize all the times I've cut corners to save money that would be morally questionable. Whenever I question whether I'm stealing or not, I ask him.  Sometimes, I need a little clarity from the one who has walked this path for many, many years.

     Since my dad has retired, he has been the Chemistry and Physics teacher for my homeschool group. Everything I believed about my dad changed when I became one of his students one year. He is a GOOD teacher. Wow. I can't believe how good and thorough and patient he is with all of his students. And, my dad is SMART! Wow again. He asks for nothing in return. He is at the service of anyone who asks and for as long as necessary.  He's been doing this for the homeschool community for 5 years and he hasn't had any of his grandchildren as his students yet. He gets Nick next year for Physics. Yes, I'm nervous. Why am I nervous? Well, my dad has his own special.... quirks?? that, thank GOD, he only exposes to family. Sometimes, "family" is around other people and, well, we get nervous. One quirk is that he still thinks I'm 5 years old. He still talks to me like I'm 5. He pats me on the head and baby talks me frequently. My kids love it but I would prefer that he refrain from this behavior in front of my friends. LOL. My kids can easily provoke him to sing his "Got No Pants On" song wherever we are. I hide my face in restaurants when he does this. His most unusually quirk is picking up 2 writing utensils and making them fight with each other. Another WOW moment. Yes, he will have 2 pens going at it with sound effects to accompany it. This was normal for me growing up. I didn't even think it was weird until I was an adult.  On a positive note, when people meet my dad, they have a better understanding where I got my social skills and are more sensitive and kind to me.

     I have a fond memory of my dad that I want to share. It may not sound like much but it is my memory that my father cared about me and I keep it so close to my heart. My old, old, old ugly record player broke. I listened to all my favorite records on that player. The Singing Nun, Weird Al Yankovich, Michael Jackson, Grease, every musical ever made (Oklahoma, South Pacific, Music Man, Sound of Music, etc, etc.). I hear laughter. Stop it. This was very important to me! I was crying quietly in my bed when my dad comes in to ask me what was wrong. I tried to collect myself enough to tell him through my gasps of air about my broken record player. He felt sorry for me for the first time in his life. He pet me on the back and said something nice. I wish I could remember what it was. The next day was Sunday. Mom, my sister and I went to Mass. When I came home, my dad was in my room. That has NEVER happened before. I was shocked to see him walk out of my door and toward me. I was angry. I thought he was invading my privacy. I went in there to see a brand new record player on my dresser. It was new! From the store! It was black and new. It had two of its own separate speakers. It was NEW. From the store.  I was so happy! Not only was it the nicest gift I had ever gotten but it was from my dad and it was his idea. It wasn't even Christmas, or my birthday. And it was new. I'm tearing up. My dad cared about me. That was enough.

Dad has dry ice in his mouth. The boys are getting a kick out of Grandpa talking with smoke coming out of his mouth and nose.

Grandpa is taking his granddaughters to the Father/Daughter dance. Daddy was out of town.

Grandpa stepped in for Roy every time he had to leave for Army. Grandpa was very busy when Roy was in Kuwait for 18 months. VERY busy!

     Don't misunderstand. I have other fond, yet simple, memories.

         - Dad would ride his bike with us girls to the local airport to take us for rides in his plane. He would stop at the ice cream shop and let us have the LARGE ice cream cone on the way. It was bigger- then -my- face kind of large.

         -Dad let me skip an accordion lesson to watch an episode of the "V" tv series. Yes, that was a FOND memory. My sister understands. LOL

         - Dad patiently helped me with every Calculus and Chemistry problem I had in High School and College

        - Dad always bought my Christmas and birthday presents himself. He never let Mom buy it and then take credit for it. On the subject of presents. My Dad buys me what I like to call, post partum pills, after every baby.  They are gigantic malt balls. When I felt alone and sad and on the verge of tears after my 3rd baby was born, I popped one of those in my mouth and the emotions instantly disappeared and were replaced with wonder and delight.  He's been buying them for me ever since. They work like a charm.

See Dad? I have plenty to say. As I look back on my childhood, I know for certain that my dad tried his best. He wanted to be a good father, had his idea's on what a good father was supposed to do and say, and he did it. That is what every good father does.

    

Priestly Scandal

If you have been paying attention, a couple priests are back in the news....sigh...Although I am outraged as much as you about the crimes of .09% of our priests (and, yes, that is the accurate percentage), this blog is in the defense of my priests and bishops.

Let me start with my local shepherd, Bishop Robert Finn. We are so very blessed to have such an outstanding bishop. I am a member of his vast flock. All of the priests and religious are his sons and daughters. This relationship is more than being a boss, president or king. He loves us. He loves me, even though we have only met a few times. He does not know my name but his love for me is deep none-the-less. It must have pained him a great deal when he learned about one of his son's indiscretions found on his computer. I am talking about Father Shawn Ratigan. The day after these questionable pictures were found on his computer, the police were notified. The DAY AFTER. The police saw no crime committed in these pictures. That was not enough for our Bishop, so he sent him to a safe place where he could be watched and kept away from children. When Fr. Ratigan broke the rules to stay away from children, Bishop Finn called for a full investigation which led to more disturbing evidence which was considered criminal. He was arrested that day. So, why are so many people upset with how this was handled? Where was the mistake? I'll tell you what people are saying. "People" were saying that a full investigation should have been called from the very beginning. Really? Every time an eyebrow is raised we need to demand a full investigation? How many priests would be put under this humiliation every day and this utter lack of respect and doubt and distrust when they have done nothing wrong? Believe me, the accusations are floating around by many who want to attack our priests for NO just cause.  What kind of priests would we have if their entire life was spent walking on egg shells? What would happen if a parishioner caught a priest driving a child somewhere alone? Would a full investigation be required, which would undoubtedly be plastered all over the news? What a terrible life for our priests. This is my fear. I fear that our bishop may succumb to the criticisms and chastise his flock prematurely, leading this "eggshell" lifestyle among our priests. I cannot be certain, but I fear that a premature decision may have already been made when I saw the news today. The priest, Fr. Tierney, that married my husband and I was removed from his church because of allegations that were deemed "not credible". Again, this is on the news to build on the already embarrassed and humiliated priest. Our bishop can do nothing except hide his poor son. Time will tell whether there is any credence to the accusations. If this priest is found innocent, it will not matter to the population of those that want to attack our church. This albatross will be hanging over Fr. Tierney's neck for the rest of his life which will make the joy of his priestly duties more difficult to see and feel.

And some want women priests why? A real gentleman ....a society of gentlemen...would never put a woman under the fire, attack, criticism, embarrassment and humiliation that our priests are under. Although this is not our reasoning for not having women in the priesthood, it shows evidence of the wisdom of Jesus. Our priests may not be boiled in oil, stoned or crucified in the physical sense but I would bet that some of them would prefer that torture then the one they are living in now. We should never wish this upon a woman.  Oh! God and His wisdom! Thank God our Mother Church is in the protected hands of the Holy Spirit which..."will be guide you in all truth" John 16:13 and "the gates of Hell will NEVER prevail against it." Matthew 16:18. The gates of Hell will never prevail. Try as you might, oh children of the Catholic faith. Not any of our sinful mouths will be able to change anything in matters of faith and morals. Not even the worst of the worst pope's was able to change any matter in faith or morals because then that would make Jesus a liar. "The gates of Hell will never prevail against my church". And this is what gives me hope.

Geocaching

Our family has recently taken up the hobby of Geocaching. This is all thanks to my handy dandy Android phone. It has an application for geocaching.com and for the GPS it requires. It has been so much fun. I must share.

Geocaching is a treasure hunt all over the world! People hide a box of "treasures" somewhere in a public area, post the GPS coordinates and maybe give a hint in code. One of my kids deciphers the code, I plug in the coordinates in my GPS application and we're off! It was a rough start for several reasons. I was so used to Letterboxing so I tried to follow the hints more than the coordinates. After I learned my lesson, we went back to the sites to try again. Some examples of treasures are small toys, pens, coins and other cute trading items. I carry a stash of treasures in my fanny pack. I just so happen to have a box of little items that were donated to me by a Girl Scout leader that used them to trade at Day Camp. I was turning those items into neckerchief slides for my Cub Scouts (I miss them!). I have plenty left for Geocaching. But really...when will my house ever be free of little treasures that I don't need? ....um....never?

There are other Geocaches that do not have any treasures in them. They are just simple log sheets where you sign your name when you have found it. It may sound a bit boring but its not! It is so exciting to find what you have been looking for. Some of these are in old film cannisters or camouflaged pill bottles. Some are as tiny as your finger nail where you need tweezers to pull out the log sheet. Samantha and I found one disguised as old gum stuck under a picnic table. Max and I found another that was hidden inside a screw. The creativity of how and where they are hidden just builds our excitement. This could easily be a hidden lesson about the treasures that await us all in heaven. We search and search using the compass that God has provided...follow the narrow, but exciting path, and walah, you have found your treasure. Throw away the compass (or GPS) and try to find the treasure yourself, what do you end up with? You end up finding other things that you believe are the treasures but are only counterfeits. The one's who have found the treasure, know it. They know it! And it is far more exciting and worth the labor, and exhaustion it took to discover it.

A microcache. Thats a log sheet in the center. You either need tweezers or long, sharp nails.

The kids hardly know that they love each other during our expiditions.

Yeah, I found this one. NOT HIM. I found it!

It looks like gum but is it?? I think not!!

The screw! It was stratigically placed in a curb stop in the parking lot

This one is a little too obvious

The one we found today. It is so much more pleasurable when the kids find it before me.

I bought Samantha a Geomate Jr. for her birthday this year. It has over 250,000 geocaches recorded and points her in the right direction of the closest one. She has it hanging on her neck as she carefully follows her arrow. I see one in Max's future too.

The weather, the outdoors, the exercise, the anticipation of what we will find and being together is what makes this the perfect family activity.  

Living "Independently"

I have been asked on occassion if I am going to put Mary Kate in an assisted living home when she is an adult. The purpose of assisted living is to make an adult feel independent while still receiving personal care and support services. I have always said "no" to this service for a few different reasons. Reason number 3 relates to everyone, not just someone with special needs, and the real reason I wanted to write this blog.

One, What am I? Chopped liver?  I've been giving Mary Kate personal care and support services since birth. What would change? The only thing I can see changing is having less kids in the home so now I'm even more available to provide this care. A person with more severe needs may need this extra assistance but Mary Kate does not fall in that category.

Two, It takes a very special individual to care for a person with special needs and not one that has a degree. Degree's are nice but it is on the bottom of the list of importance. They truly need to have the patience of Job. I know very few people with that kind of patience. Very, very few.  I can not entrust my baby girl with anyone that I do not know as well as I know my own sister or best friend AND see that they have this quality.

Third, There is this notion that young adults need to live on their own for a time to learn responsibility. This is where I am in disagreement with many people.  I want all of my children to go straight from their home or dorm life to their new spouses home. No stops of aloneness and solitude to learn "responsibility". This is completely unnecessary and, too often, a failed attempt. It has always been my belief that "two heads are better than one." You learn responsibility 'better' when you have a partner to share in the responsibilities. This could be a parent or a spouse or a sibling. They are looking out for each other because they love each other. Each person can provide insight that the other one could not which leads to problem solving skills. Let's take a closer look.....

Budgeting. When you are alone, you have to budget your money and learn to do so. When you are living with your parents or your spouse, you still have to budget but this time, it has the added complication of adding more people to the budget and maybe, more money and more expense. Wouldn't the more challenging budget bring greater lessons?  Wouldn't the "two heads" bring greater results?

Car and home repairs. Ah, yes. The dreaded and expensive repairs. The garbage disposal has stopped working, the car shakes and die's at every red light, a ball got kicked through a window, another leak in the pool, the water is running down the basement walls! Yes, I am pulling these examples right out of my own life. A life where both my husband and I jumped from our safe and cozy home to married life in a cheap, run down home in Kansas City. This is an easy solution. I tell Roy about these things and he fixes them. lol. Actually, this is true BUT, how does he know how to do any of this if he never lived on his own? Living on his own doesn't TEACH him how to fix these problems any more then living with me does. This may come as a surprise, but I'm no help in this area. What if I were living on my own and I needed these things fixed? Well, there's this guy I know that lives up the street named Roy. I just call him down....and we live happily ever after. Kidding aside, I do not believe in only learning by trial and error. Whenever you can learn to do something the right way the first time, try that one on for size first. Learn from others... parents, siblings, spouses, family, etc. A person living in solitude will call on these people in the time of need so why bother being separated from them in the first place? How did this separation help?

I would much rather share my trials with a family member who has my best interest at heart then by myself or with a stranger I had to call to get something fixed.

I will not be encouraging my kids to live on their own for a time before getting married, most especially my girls who need that companionship and protection that can only be offered by a Daddy, brother or husband....or ME!! now that I have experience.  So, putting two and two together, you can see that I will not be putting Mary Kate in an assisted living home (as wonderful as they are).  

Mother's Day

Finally! I now have an occasion to write about my mom. I suppose I can write about her anytime but what better time than Mother's Day? I can tell you now that I have written and rewritten this blog and can never get it right. It is so frustrating until I realized that it is impossible to really do my mom the justice she deserves in a blog. So, here is my 15th attempt! I listed 3 of my mom's title's that I have given her that represents my relationship with her.

Spiritual Advisor. ...

I consider my mom my personal spiritual advisor. Whenever I have a question about my faith or a question about principles or morals, I call her first. She gives me the correct answer whether I want to hear it or not. I have said on occasion, "Mom, I'm going to ignore you if you tell me anything I don't want to hear." LOL. I know she will always be truthful because her love for God and her Catholic Faith is far greater than any other love she has, including me. Whenever I am faced with a tempting moral decision (lying about my toddlers age to get a free meal...), I'm given gentle reminders or "the look". I don't like that look! I'd rather have the gentle reminders so she can "talk to the hand":)) But, "the look" is my gentle reminder that I need to reconsider my decision.

Best Friend...

Whenever I have a personal problem, she always gives me the objective answer with empathy and sensitivity. She does not hold back the truth to protect my feeling although she puts out every effort to be sensitive. Although I consider her my best friend, she is not the type to jump on my pity party band wagon. She has a love for me that does not provide the fueling of my fire when I have conflicts with people. She offers advice to help improve my relationships. I noticed that this quality is different than other families I have met. Moms and daughters and sisters tend to band together and stand arm and arm against the enemy. Although that may look like a strong family unit from a distance, all that really does is destroy a relationship between your sister and the friend she really had cared for. My mom helps solve and bring friendships back together.

Mother...

 There was a clear split between being a friend and being a mother. She was ALL Mom until my wedding day. Overnight, she became my friend. As I grew up, she never once responded to the "all the other kids are wearing this....watching that movie...staying out this late...etc"  My most frequent complaint was the continuous pleading during every grocery store run to "PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE buy us the 'sugar' cereal" That is what my mom always called it. EVERY one of my friends had sugar cereal. She said "no" 100% of the time. She never gave in. My only hope of scooping up a spoonful of Coco Pebbles that turned my milk into chocolate milk was sleepovers and our yearly trip to see the McGreevy family in Ohio. As much as I love the McGreevy family, I think their sugar cereal took priority. Sorry McGreevy's!! Well, guess who won't buy sugar cereal for her own kids now?? LOL. Yep, ME! I'm not 100% though:( I can't resist the $2 sale with my $1 off coupon. I can't do it!

 She NEVER said a coarse word about how other parents raised their kids." No" meant "no" and she never criticized the decisions that other parents made.  I've been trying to carry that quality with my own kids but I have failed on several occasions.

As a Mom, she was required to bring me up in the faith. She tried her best. My father was raised Episcopalian, so she was on her own with teaching her girls the Catholic Faith. I know it was difficult for her. The Catholic schools were vastly different from when she had attended. Years and years went by and I had learned very little about the faith. Homeschooling was unheard of. Actually, homeschooling was just for the weirdo's. Still is...lol. We said the rosary during every car trip to Ohio, which usually began in the middle of a fight my sister and I were having. I went to confession regularly and daily Mass whenever we could. Although I don't remember knowing very much about my faith, I remember having a strong relationship with God. Having that relationship got me through my teenage years with minimal scaring. I can thank my mom for giving me that strong foundation.  

She knew what the future was going to hold if she didn't nip it in the bud early. She made several things clear as I was growing up that she knew were necessary to have a happy and secure life.

     1. I can live at home after graduation if I'm going to college or I'm paying rent. I got my "Mrs" degree and off I went!

     2. We are never buying you a car. I don't think I would have like the car they would buy me anyway.

     3. If you come back home after you get married, your husband is coming too. When I made a comment last week that I was running away and moving in with her. She replied, "You can come by yourself now." I said..."Wait a minute. I thought you said I can't come without Roy?" She said, "That was true in the first few years of marriage when things are rough. Now, you would probably have a good reason." LOL. Wow. She has so much wisdom! All of a sudden, at least 5 or 6 memories came back of when I wanted to flee early in my marriage. I felt like I had no place to go so I was forced to stay work it out. How dare her make me work out my own problems! The nerve!!

     4. We are not going to be a daycare for your kids. We earned the right to be spoiling grandparents and that is what we are going to be...gosh darnit! Now I had to stay home because day care was too expensive and I was forced to see the joy in raising my kids. We all know where that led....7 more.

     5. We're not giving you any money unless your starving. So, guess who was forced to live within their means and eventually ended up debt free?? Yep, that would be us! And guess who now freely has their bank account open to us but we won't touch it? Yep, that would be my parents.

My mom's wisdom is phenomenal! Every child should be blessed with a mom with such wisdom. She knows...she really knows what people need to stay afloat and independent and HAPPY. It is so simple. She simply refused to enable me to be, dare I say, a wuss? ...a coward? ....a quiter? ...irresponsible?...dependent? ...all of the above? Best of all...I hope/plan/pray that I pass along all of these character traits and life lessons to my kids.

My mom was diagnosed with cancer a year ago. She went through the rigorous and painful tests and chemo treatments for months. She had to fast for days, drink liquids that tastes like acid, got stuck with needles repeatedly with some of the needles going to bed with her each night! ETC. ETC. ETCETERA!! She NEVER complained. She NEVER looked scared. She was always smiling and joking about her pain. Her attitude all came from her strong faith. This was her opportunity to offer up the most she has ever been able to offer up for the poor holy souls. She "gets to" carry her cross next to Jesus. This is her attitude. In spite of how her family (me, my sister and Dad) tried to bring her down (our pathetic looks and sad faces), she never succumbed. I need these memories to remind me how to treat my trials and suffering. I need them bad because I am a spoiled baby compared to her. I imagine I'm going to make a pathetic, whiny old person one day. Ho hum...

Thank you Mom. I love you and love you more and more every day.

Osama bin Laden

Osama bin Laden's death has brought up so many different subjects that past few days. Sometimes, I'm not sure what to think. Should we be rejoicing or not? I am really struggling with that. Was there rejoicing when St. Michael the Archangel defeated Lucifer and thrust him into Hell? I think that if I knew that answer, I would know how I should feel about this. I would imagine that it was an exaggerated feeling of "bitter-sweet". It is "sweet" per se because the enemy was defeated. It was "bitter" because it appears that God has lost another soul that He loved as much as you and I. I feel robbed that I didn't get a chance to see Osama brought to justice. There was much gratification when Suddham Hussein was arrested and tried and found guilty. Both of them in prison for a lifetime would have brought me greater satisfaction. If the two of them were to have died a natural death, they both would have been gifted their entire life to repent and come into full communion with God. I know, I know, it sounds impossible. But, there is nothing impossible with God.

I can not tell you for sure that they should not have been executed. My Catholic faith tells me in the Catechism of the Catholic Church #2267 that "the Church does not exclude recourse to the death penalty, if this is the only possible way of effectively defending human lives against the unjust aggressor." I'm just a little ole housewife in the heart of America. Who am I to say that these two men's death has and will prevent the death of other human lives more so then if they were in prison? I have no idea. All I know is that I am saddened by their actions. I'm saddened by their deaths. I'm saddened that God most likely lost 2 more souls to Satan.  I am, however, feeling star struck by the Special Forces that took these cowardly men out. They did it with anonymity. We will never know who they are because they joined this division specifically to protect little ole me and little ole you. They did it with patience, clarity and stealth. I am so proud of them. I like to dream that one of them was a good Catholic that thought up the idea to take out Osama on Divine Mercy Sunday just to give him a chance. But, I'm just a dreamer. I will never know. Thank you whoever you are!

So you can see that I'm a little torn. On the one hand, I want to see justice here on Earth by the people he has pained. On the other hand, I'm thanking our soldiers for a job well done. Well? I guess I covered all the bases then? I'll just take 2 different sides. lol. I'll tell you one thing. I don't think St. Michael and his possy rejoiced over Lucifers suffering or mocked him so I won't be doing that either. I despise seeing pictures of their dead and broken bodies. I know people are rejoicing when they see those pictures which takes greater issue with me then just the grotesque image. I pray that we all can pray for peace and justice and especially for the repentance of our souls and the souls of our enemies.

I was watching the news yesterday where many American-Muslims were being interviewed. I kept hearing them say things like, "We finally got him, we can get out of there now..." and "Its nice to have closure". I was yelling at the TV! One man? Really? We got ONE man so now were all safe from terrorism? I was angry that those interviews made it on the news in the first place. How naive! President George Bush told us all on September 21st, 2001 that this was going to be a long fight against terrorism . There was plenty of agreement, cheering and support going on then but we have since lost our will to fight the good fight. The fight that protects my freedom to go to my church up the street day after day if I want.  And protects my freedom to homeschool and protest and pray at Planned Parenthood and blog:) I am not privy to the sensitive information that only the President knows so I can't make the judgment about where our troops need to be. All I know is that if the terrorists are conspiring, I want our troops over there and not fighting in my front yard. Sounds reasonable right? I think even the Democrats and Republicans can agree on that!