Matthew

My darling little baby turns one on the 23rd of January. He was due on the 22nd but missed it by 38 minutes. I so wanted him to be born on his due date. January 22nd is the anniversary of Roe v Wade, when the court decided 38 years ago to exclude the unborn in the constitutional right to life through the horrific act of abortion. I have a passion for the pro-life cause. I wish everyone could put themselves in the tiny feet of an unborn baby and watch and feel what they have to go through in an abortion procedure. How different our world would be! Instead we leave it to our imagination. I suspect that these images must be blocked from those that call themselves pro-choice.

When I was a teenager, I was almost radical about the pro-life cause. If I caught even a hint that someone wasn't 100% pro-life, I was on him or her like white on rice. You could not stop me from talking and I'm ashamed to admit it but I lacked compassion in these "talks" too. I have since matured, thank God! Years ago, I volunteered at the pro-life booth at the Santa Calagon in Independence. I had done that every labor day for several years. Each year was the same. People would politely see what our booth was about, thank us, buy a shirt or a bumper sticker, maybe drop a dollar in our donation jar. Then as the day began to grow darker, the number of guests stayed the same but fewer people came to our booth for a visit. As it got darker, our supporters were gone and the pro-choicers were running rampant. People would yell and criticize us. How ironic that this always happened in the dark. It reminded me about all the Bible stories I read  when evil took over the story. It was almost always in the night. Out of the blue, in the darkness, a girl walked up to our booth and looked around slowly. Her eyes locked on our plastic babies that represented  what a baby looked like at that stage of development. I didn't know what to say. It was dark, the supporters have seemed to be home and tucked away in bed, so, who was she? Is she about to throw one of these babies at me? Is she going to start yelling? Crying? So I said the only thing that I could think of....get ready...."Hi". She looked at me and said, "I'm scheduled to have an abortion on Wednesday." I didn't know what to say. I was shocked. Here I am working this pro-life booth and it never occurred to me that I could be faced with this. I'm glad that I was struck speechless because it gave me the chance to look into her eyes. She wasn't there to debate me. She had such deep sadness in her eyes. It was the kind of sadness you would see in someone who just ran over a child in their car. The.."What have I done??" look, even though she had done nothing yet. It was scheduled and her baby was as good as dead. With my mother standing right next to me as cool and calm as she was, she listened to me tell the girl my story. Yes, this goody-goody, unmarried girl with her chastity bumper sticker got pregnant at 20. I told her where I went for help (Birthright) and how they compassionately helped me through this ordeal, even ready to help me find a home with a loving 2 parent family for my baby.  I had a stack of resources stapled together with "Do Not Remove From Booth" written on the front cover. Trying to hide the shaking of my hand and arm, I handed her the whole packet. I wanted to cry for this girl. I was so numb. I saw a glimmer of hope in her eyes as I told her my story. I do not know her story though. I do not know if she ever kept her appointment. I will probably never know. The look on her face is forever sketched in my mind. I am not praying outside of abortion clinics just for the life of the unborn babies that go in there but for the mom's that walk in suffering the way this girl was.

Now, my little man turns one today. I have taken advantage of every day with him. I love feeling seasoned with mommyhood. I can love on my baby without the weight of worry or stress that new mom's have. I nurse him like he could be my last, rubbing his hair and caressing his cheek and picking the  wax out of his ear:) I love every single diaper change so much that I can't wait for the next one....unless its a disposable diaper. Then I just grumble that it cost 13 cents and  leave it on him until I get all 13 cents worth of it.  Nothing in my life is more efficient then how I wash and care for the diapers. My life would be totally complete with just me and my baby....BUT...it gets even better! I have 7 other children that I get to love and reminisce of their baby days. I have 8 times as many baby stories! I want to talk people into valuing life but I believe my best hope for this is through my example. I have not met one pro-choice person since my teenage years. Sounds weird right? There are so many but I can't point to anyone I know and say that they are pro-choice. Why is that? They must be out there. I hope it is because when people see me, it sits right there on my hip and they can see it in my eyes and in my life that this person values life of all sizes.

                                                 My baby Matthew with big sister Josie

Facebook Defense

Facebook is such a hot topic. There are those who love and spend way too much time it (me). Then there are others that think it is the work of the devil (my darling hubby). I think the reservation people have is a direct result of what they see on TV and the news. Facebook has caused so many problems! It can cost people their jobs. It is a near occasion of  sinful lustful thoughts in our young boys and a temptation for girls to ignorantly satisfy those desires.  People will gossip to a wider audience. Relationships crumble, as people are more apt to speak their mind behind a computer screen.  It can leak sensitive information to the enemy in the time of war...(I'm married to an officer...I had to add this to make him happy).  Yes, Facebook can be a serious vice for some. BUT, it can be used for a greater good as well. It can be used to glorify God if used properly.

I opened my Facebook account about 2 years ago. (Geez, it seems like so much longer!) My son, Nick, had opened up an account and was asking me questions on how to do it. I panicked and ran straight to my computer to ask my trusted homeschool loop what their opinion was. To my surprise, most everyone was in favor and they were all on the same page about monitoring it. So, thats what I did. I opened my account for the soul purpose of spying on my son.  And boy do I spy! There should be some kind of award for how well and frequently I spy.  If Obama can get a Nobel Peace Prize for just having some warm and fuzzy feelings, there should be something for me!  This is where I begin my defense of Facebook.

1. My kids can see the real love for God their friends have that isn't talked about when they are together playing video games, sledding or watching a movie.  

2. I can answer all the questions I get from the friend to the stranger, "How do you do it?...How can you afford it?...Don't you go crazy?...Do you get any free time?...etc. etc. etc.!

3. My acquaintances are now my friends. I'm talking to more people in the vestibule at my church now

4. Farmville (There will be a Farmville blog soon!)

5. I can see the hurt that some people go through and be there for them....especially the teens

6. I can promote my causes (Prolife, Conservative candidate, Boy Scouts, Theology of the Body, chastity talks, etc.)

7. My neighbors don't have to think I'm just an old woman in a shoe. I actually have a life that I enjoy and that is worth reading about.

8. It has opened discussions with Nick about what is appropriate and what isn't. (Don't complain about your boss on your status!)

9. My kids have priests and brothers on their friends lists and have developed closer relationships with them. (No nuns yet. Guess their too busy for Facebook:)

10. We grow closer to our faith by sharing our faith with one another, even those who have none or who have questions for us.

11. I can have small, meaningless, fun talks with people that help build relationships.

12. Don't have to wait until Christmas to "catch up"

13. Its a great avenue to ask for prayers

14. You can laugh more often and make others laugh. It keeps the world happy.

15. I have no time for non-virtual friends. I can get my fix here.

16. I am constantly learning. I can post a math question on my status and get the answer a few minutes later.

17. I have watched my son talk to girls on Chat about their purity and what it is worth. I have to hide in the bathroom and read it. He usually falls asleep 1/2 way through reading my blogs which was about #10 so he probably won't see this.

18. I can play and have fun with my kids on Facebook. We play games, and have cute "I Love You's" being posted back and forth.

19. I can now keep in touch with aunts and cousins that I had given up on ever seeing again

20. We can plan a grade school and High School reunion

My biggest pet peeve is not with Facebook but with parents who don't pay attention to what their kids are doing on it. I can't tell you the number of times that I have shared information with parents about their own kids that they didn't know. Some good, some funny, some very serious. I don't suggest that you learn all of my spy skills (I may or may not go overboard:). But, when your child is hurting, 1500 people shouldn't hear about it before you. Your child is more important than anything that is keeping you too busy to keep yourself up-to-date. When it gets abused, snatch it away like a thief in the night. When it is used to bring you and your friends closer to each other and to God, watch the blessings come down. It will be a virtue or a vice. Make it a virtue or cut it off.

No Curfews! Freedom!

My son, Nick, is 17 years old. Wow, how time flies! It makes me glad we chose to be open to life. Who knew that parenthood would be so fleeting? I'm so happy that we are making it last longer then most. When my last child leaves, I want to wipe my forehead and say, "Whew! That was a good ride." If I only had one or two kids, I imagine I would be confused and bewildered.  What did we do with our time? And what are we going to do with all this time left?!!

I remember being a teenager. Stop laughing! It wasn't that long ago! Anyway, it was very common for all of my friends, and myself, to have curfew. Usually midnight. If you had a really strict parent, it was 11:00. How funny that all seems to me now. Lets be honest. What that really means, is if the movie got out at 11:00, you had an hour to "park". I mean, bringing your date home before curfew meant you really didn't want to spend every available minute with her, therefore, didn't really care about her. Being so old...I mean...wise and experienced, I pondered how I would deal with this when I had my own teenager. It wasn't until I studied Theology of the Body (thank GOD I did this before Nick got his license!) that I realized my answer! Its FREEDOM. Thats what teenagers truly desire. They all want their freedom. If I restrict that, then the rebelling will begin! Sounds like I'm giving up doesn't it? Well, no. We needed to teach Nick what freedom means. When he truly understood, no restrictions would ever be necessary. For example, do I need the commandment to not kill my husband? Am I walking around completely ticked off that God has restricted me from taking his life every time he walks in the door? Why is that? Maybe its because I have true freedom to love the way God intended me to love. If we desire to do Gods will and desire to live with Him in His eternal exchange of love, I will not need these rules and commandments. They will already be in my heart. This is what Roy and I needed to teach Nick and our other kids kicking at his heels to grow up.

Under my darling husbands instruction, Nick took a 6 month course in Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body for Teens. What a gift! This class covered everything...chastity, love, the purpose of our bodies, vocations, marriage, how Christ was the groom and His Church, the bride. It taught him how a groom loves his bride the way Christ loves His bride. It went in detail exactly how Christ loves His bride. 12 classes, 3 hours each. Roy made it fun, filling it with his closest friends, having pizza parties, lively discussions, a retreat, New Years Eve party, and finishing off nearly every meeting with a youth group function across the hall. Nick enjoyed it so much that he came back the following year to do the class again. One day when I was complaining for the hundredth time that he hates to read, he replied, "I don't like reading anything unless its Theology of the Body". I kept my mouth shut after that. I'm sure I will be opening it back up soon. He really does have to read other things!

This is one of our beloved students, Kerrianne, using her imagination with playdough on how she see's her relationship with God at the TOB retreat.

I told Nick that our city has a curfew for teenagers. He asks, "Whats a curfew?" I smiled. My teenager doesn't even know what a curfew is. He has no desire to come home late. He has no desire to use another person for his own gratification. He has no desire to turn others away from God. He does not need a curfew. I am so proud of Him. I thank JPII from the bottom of my heart. God has revealed to Him a truth at a time when it was needed the most in our post-sexual revolution world.

Please watch future blogs and Facebook status' of upcoming TOB classes for teens and adults.

Its Time for the BIG TALK

8 years ago, I put my order in for a red headed, brown eyed little girl. 2 out of 3 isn't bad. He gifted me with a red headed, BLUE eyed little girl. I was so blissfully happy! She (Theresa) could not have been more perfect. She was, by far, the best and easiest baby I had. I know this was a gift from God at the perfect time. 6 weeks after her birth, her dad got deployed to Kuwait. He was gone for 18 months. He missed all of those months of "firsts". Not to worry, no damage was done. She watched her brothers and sisters play with this "stranger" like he was part of the family. The look of confusion on her face was priceless. She decided to get in line with the other kids and wait for her turn to be flung into the air by this big man. "If the other kids like this, then I'm sure I will too." She did. It is a great story to show how our example trickles down to even the smallest of our kids. This example is best seen in our family's yearly flu shot visit. We looked Nick square in the eyes and said, "You don't have a choice! You must pretend to be happy about these shots and then watch all the other kids follow in your footsteps." Poor kid...well it worked. I wish you could be a fly on the wall when I tell the kids that its time to get the flu shot. The house roars with excitement. You would think I was telling them we are all going to Worlds of Fun. They are giddy and happy all the way to the hospital. They wiggle and smile and laugh while they wait for the nurse. They all beg to go first. Its toooo funny.

                                            Here they are, getting ready for the flu shot!!!

Whats this have to do with the big talk?? Uhh, nothing really. I just go off in tangents once in a while. Back to the subject at hand. My little red headed girl is turning 8 today. All of our kids know that the 8th birthday is the Big Talk day. That is the day that our child dresses up fancy and goes out to dinner with a dressed up Mom and Dad. We go to their favorite restaurant and talk about the most beautiful and wonderful gift that God has given us on Earth (aside from His own Body, of course...but very closely related as Christ gave His Body to us, the Church, so will Theresa give her body to her husband...if that is to be her calling). Such profound words for such a young girl! Yes it is but its the perfect age none-the-less. When we had this talk with Nick when he was 8, we were not 100% convinced that it was the right time. I mean...8...EIGHT. So, we didn't really share that decision with too many people. It "seemed" right to us at the time but several kids later, I now know that we are right and I'm ready to spread the word. I am even more confident now because of the 2 years of Theology of the Body (TOB) that I have been studying. No longer is sex dirty, sinful, tainted and evil. Its a perfect foreshadowing of the mystery that awaits us in heaven. Wow. That might be difficult for the non-TOB person to hear. It made my ears perk up and beg to hear more. I hope it perks up your ears too.

I read a book called How to Talk to Your Child about Sex by Linda and Richard Eyre. My oldest was probably 3 when I read it for the first time. Haha. I was desperate to learn early! This book, accompanied by the studies of TOB should give Theresa the best talk we've given so far. We also have the book, Where Did I Come From by Peter Mayle that we go through page by page. Yes, it tells everything. We explain everything about sex but leave out what the world has turned dirty (porn, lust, masturbation). That will come later. For now, she needs to understand sex the way God intended it to be understood.

Why so young? Well, I'll tell you. It is the perfect window between young childhood and the moodiness and unpredictability of pre-puberty. They feel old. They feel like little adults with eager ears and have the capability of understanding it without the disgust and dirty faces. That will come later but guess what?? The talk will have already happened! Brilliant! Brilliant I say! LOL. This conversation will be jam packed full of God's love and his plan to call each of us to love as He loves. "...Husbands, love your wives the way Christ loves His bride, the Church." Eph. 5, verse something:) How does Christ love His bride? He gave up his BODY freely, totally, faithfully and fruitfully. This is an "awe" moment. What is sex? Its the giving up your body freely, totally, faithfully and fruitfully to your groom. Not for 6 weeks...not till the end of the semester...forever. Can I hear another "awe". It is so beautiful. More beautiful then I have ever been raised to believe. I can not WAIT until our afternoon out with my beautiful and lovely daughter.

                            Here is my baby in her new bathing suit. Yes, its a real bathing suit!

And how will we spend our evening after this wonderful talk about God's plan for love and sex? Partying and drinking too much pop and eating too much chips and pizza with our TOB for Teens class! What a life. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Do you want to be healed?

Today, December 29th, our family celebrates my 2nd childs 16th birthday. Allow me to introduce Mary Kathleen Christy. In traditional Catholic times, every family was all but required to name their first born girl after our Virgin Mother Mary. My first name is Kathleen so...walah! Mary Kathleen, Mary Kate for short. It helped that Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen were cute and adorable back then:)  She came out not looking anything like her orange faced brother that was just birthed 12 months earlier. Her eyes were crossed a little more then the normal newborn. Signs began to appear little by little that were abnormal for a baby. I dutifully took her for all of her checkups throughout her first year and found myself saying "no" to the long list of questions asked. "Does your baby...roll over, sit up, grab objects, put hands together, pick up food, put things to her mouth, crawl, etc. etc." "no, no, no, no, no". I was beginning to physically hurt by continuously repeating "no". At the age of 15 months, the words, "mental retardation" passed the lips of the developmental pediatrician. Thank God that my brain can be slower then sap most of the time. I didn't break down until I was in the parking lot and buckled her in the car. From the beginning, she/I broke every rule and expectation a parent makes for her child.  It was most evident when she was sitting up on the living room floor with her hands at her side like they always were. She never moved them. Somehow, she bumped the plastic grocery bag next to her. It made a sound. She liked it! She bumped it again, very slightly, and it made the crackling sound again! Rule #1 was about to break! I took out every plastic bag I could find and surrounded her. I made sure she was surrounded by plastic bags every day, all day. I put them in bed with her even! Parents with special needs kids know exactly what I'm talking about. I can hear them giggling now. The expectations I have for her are vastly different then what I have for my other kids. I will say one thing to Mary Kate and turn and say the exact opposite to another child. There is a great poem written about this. It describes our life perfectly. Do not forget though that we have 7 children from "Italy".

Welcome to Holland

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this…

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.


After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."


"Holland?!" you say. "What do you mean, Holland?" I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy.


But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.


The important thing is that they haven't taken you to some horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.


So you must go out and buy a new guidebook. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.


It's just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts.


But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."


The pain of that will never, ever, go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.


But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.


Written by Emily Perl Kingsley

Now, here is our question. We have a special needs child. Do we WANT a special needs child? If we were given a choice before conception to have a normal child or a child that will forever be mentally retarted (term changed to developmentally delayed a little while later and just this year changed yet again to intellectually delayed...the terms are getting closer to explaining the rest of us. LOL) what would we choose? I ask this question to all of the kids here and there and it causes them to really think. Unanimously, we all would choose to have Mary Kate exactly the way she is. She gives us a foretaste of what the angels must be like. She has qualities that can not be found in another human being. She has a heart of gold. She is simple and kind and does not know a stranger. Convincing her that there are bad people in the world is like convincing you that a beautiful bloomed rose is an ugly weed. So, do we want her to be "healed"? The answer is simple. She already is. We should all be asking ourselves this question. Do YOU want to be healed.

Happy Birthday Mary Kate. I, and the rest of your family, love you beyond words.

Congratulations to Hugh Hefner and his lovely bride to be

Did you hear the news? When I signed into my computer this morning, the news was everywhere. Eighty-four year old, Hugh Hefner, popped the question to his 24 year old girlfriend, Crystal Harris. I'm sure there was an "awww" moment all across America. Do I hear laughter? Why do we laugh? Whats 60 years between lovers? Who's counting. The 3rd time is the charm right? I snickered a bit when I was reading the on-line People magazine article. I am ashamed that I did even that. In my studies of John Paul II's Theology of the Body, Hugh Hefner is used quite a bit as an example, both positive and negative, in relation to how we see the male and female body. Before the sexual revolution, the common Christian has viewed sex and the body as bad, sometimes referred to as evil. When the sexual revolution came about, 2 prominent figures rose up. Hugh Hefner and Karol Wojtyla (pre-Pope John Paul II). They both said the same thing. The body and sex are not bad. Metaphorically, they both pulled out the naked body and said, "this is good". This is where the split between these figures begins. Hugh Hefner displays the naked body for all to see and use. Karol Wojtyla covers the body and says "this is too holy and good to be exposed". We are to honor a persons true mystery that we could not do if he/she were exposed. Why is the bride veiled? Is it to hide her ugliness? I think not. What does the church veil? The church veils what is holy, the Tabernacle.

When Mr. Hefner was asked why he started Playboy, he said, "...it was a personal response to the hurt and hypocrisy of our puritan heritage...There was no hugging or kissing in my family." He started Playboy because he was starved for love. Its a starvation that we all have. If we can not find the banquet to satisfy our hunger, where will we turn? The dumpster. God provides the banquet. Pornography will provide the dumpster.

If you are interested in learning more about John Paul II's Theology of the Body, please visit theologyofthebody.com. Don't think for a moment that I could be this insightful. I have been studying this teaching for a couple years now and it has opened my eyes to the mystery of our purpose. It has answered questions I have had since my "talk" as a child. I will be facilitating an adult group on TOB at my local parish this coming Lent season. I am looking forward to it.

Merry X-Mas! Happy Holiday's!

Speaking for Christians around the world, this Advent season was a time to prepare for Christ's birth. We set up our Nativity scenes around the house and hide the baby Jesus until Christmas morning. We will read about the generosity and history of St. Nicholas. We set out our Jesse tree with ornaments that reflect Old Testament History leading to Christ's birth. Our family reads one of a 3 set series, one chapter a day until Christmas. We have Advent wreaths, secret santa's, Advent calendars and prayers. We make cookies in the shape of the entire Nativity scene or build one out of craft sticks and clothes pins. We write our good deeds on strips of paper and lie them in the manger that Jesus will be born in. The more good deeds we have, the more comfortable Jesus is. The list goes on and on. Anyone with experience in these traditions will tell you that if you try to do them all, your kids will end up with and stressed and angry parent! We must choose wisely what we will do during the season so we can truly celebrate the season that gives glory to God.

During the season, I have noticed some discontented, but good intentioned people that spend much of their preparation upset with the commercialism and lack of the "true" meaning of Christmas surrounding them. I heard of one man yelling at a cashier in response to a "Happy Holiday's" greeting. He rudely "corrected" the employee that it is NOT "Happy Holiday's", it is "Merry Christmas!".  (I cleaned up the words for you:) I wish I was there to correct this customer on what "Happy Holiday's" really mean. "Holidays" comes from the words, "Holy Days". So, what this cashier was REALLY saying is Happy Thanksgiving, Happy St. Nicholas Day...I hope your shoes(boots) were filled to the rim with all the treasures of your heart!.. Happy Feast of Our Lady of Guadeloupe, Happy Feast of St. Lucy, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Happy feast day of Mary the Mother of God and Happy New Year! The cashier just covered every Holy-day for 6 weeks! How insulting of this customer to expect this employee to delete all of these Holy-days!

Here is something that can rip the heart of a Christian. Crossing out "Christ" and replacing it with X. Merry X-mas! What is the history of X-Mas? Well..."X" is Greek for Chi which stands for Christ....the REAL Christ. The "X" actually identifies Christ as being the REAL Christ. It separates the word into "Christ" and the "Mass". I am not familiar with how it got started per say but I have an educated guess. I have a theory that Christians were starting to notice Christ slowly being faded out from Christmas so in order to make it clear and remind others that this is about Christ, people started using "X" and separating it from the "mass". This is about Christ and the Mass people!

On December 5th, I enjoy reading  A Special Place for Santa by Jeanne Pieper. It begins with 2 women complaining that Santa is taking over Christmas and people are forgetting the real significance of Christmas. Well, Santa overhears this and his feelings are hurt. So, he does what every good Saint does and turns to God. God comforts Saint Nicholas and reminds him of all the good he did when he was on Earth back in the 4th century...his generosity and his secret gifts he left for people. He builds up St. Nick's spirits to continue his work. Its a wonderful story. I have to beg the question to those who believe that he is the result of people forgetting who we are really celebrating this season...could it be you that has actually forgotten? Something to think about.

I pray that you had an Advent full of gifts you have given to Jesus for His birthday. Was it full of generosity and kindness to those in the parking lots and the stores and the lines? Did you give to others in need? Did you sacrifice yourself for the good of others? Did you focus on Christs birth or were you upset that others didn't? Thank God for Gods mercy and forgiveness. I pray that every one of us can give God our hearts completely and totally by treating others...even atheists, sinners, the in-laws (haha! jk) with compassion, patience, kindness and generosity. Remember, every person you make eye contact with was made in the image and likeness of God. That person you see from a distance or that stranger behind the counter was put here to make visible what is invisible. Merry X-Mas and Happy Holidays!!