Teenagers

I cannot count the number of times that I have been warned about having a teenager.  I am sure you can relate. Not only am I warned all of the time but I remember being a teenager myself and listening to my parents friends, family and acquaintances give them the oh-no- a- teenager  look and the better-get- off-the-road, she-has-her-license comments. Why is this? Why do teenagers get such a bad rap?

As I was teaching Theology of the Body to the teenagers, one main point that I stress is that they are at the age of training themselves in faithfulness. I thought, why would they only be training themselves in faithfulness? Why not train themselves in every virtue? Of course, it was making sense now. The strong urges that teenagers have do not have to be limited to sexual urges. Have you noticed your teenager may have an urge to snap at you easier than they had, say, when they were 10? They have an urge to cry faster and easier.  Their patience is wearing thin. They begin to have desires for material things that they have turned into a need. Maybe some self-centeredness is trying to rear its ugly head?

I had a talk with my 13 year old, Samantha, today. I talked with her about what the teenage years would bring but they were not full of doom and gloom. It was full of excitement and challenges that I wanted to motivate her to conquer. The teenage years are not a phase that we have to put up with and just get through. This is an exciting time in their lives! This is the time that God knows your child is ready to be challenged and trained. We don’t hand an 18 year old a tank in the time of war and say “good luck”. They have a period of training and it is extremely exhilarating to finally be allowed the responsibility with something so valuable and destructive and even lifesaving. This is what teenagers are being given.  They are being entrusted with vices that can destroy other people including themselves or they can be conquered with the virtues they have grown up. It reminds me of vaccines that carry a mild dose of the ugly virus to build up the immune system.  This is the time they transform themselves to outstanding, responsible, patient, generous and exceptional human beings. What an exciting time! It is not so exciting if they have never been taught these virtues growing up. Waiting until they are teenagers to finally bring this up will make this experience much more painful for them and you. If you have young ones, start now! Even a little baby can learn to wait for their milk. A toddler can be taught generosity.   A child can learn to choose the carrot over the cookie. Ok, I failed with the carrot/cookie exampleL  You get the idea. Our family spent the year working on PACE virtues. We worked, studied and practiced one virtue every month. I would put sayings up all around the house for the kids to read while they walked down the hallway or got into the refrigerator or spent time in the bathroom.  By the way, if you want your child to memorize ANYTHING, put the quote in front of the toilet. They will memorize it whether they want to or not. This year was the perfect time to go through these virtues and practice them. They were fresh in Samantha’s mind as we had our talk. It was time to put these virtue’s to work. Will she fall into her vices or will she conquer them with these virtues?! We are both excited to go through this adventure! This is not doom & gloom!! We will not stand by and quietly (or not so quietly) suffer.  Bring it on!!

Christmas 2011

     This year has been incredible for our family. Just incredible! I love to read all of my past Christmas letters and see how different each year is. I am deliriously happy that I have chosen to trust God and let Him be in control of my life and my family. I got the opportunity to take a Bible Study that went through the entire salvation History of the Bible, from Genesis to Revelation back in 2005. I am now teaching this Bible Study to a group of 15 teenagers. I love reliving this study. If the Bible could be broken down to one central theme, it would be, “Do you trust God?” One story after the other puts the Israelites in a position that seem impossible to overcome (conquering a populated city of giants….Surviving 40 years in the desert with no sign of food or water…etc.). Do they trust God? Most of the time, the answer was no. Those consequences usually ended up with God handing them over to their enemies. But, when they said yes, it was a glorious story, a miraculous story. Bread would rain from heaven, water would flow from a rock, walls would come tumbling down on their own, babies would be conceived from barren women (old grandma type women!). So, when people respectfully ask me questions of concern that a large family is commonly asked (What about paying for college?....What if you have another special needs child?....What if something happens to your husband, or you?), I just have to smile. Well, what if I give up all of my control, die to myself, and let God have all of me? It’s a scary thought but to me, it’s even scarier not to. The graces pour over our family and I so want everyone else to see and experience it too.

Roy finished off another year of Theology of the Body (TOB) for Teens and began planning to teach it again for three different classes this Fall. Those plans had to be delegated out due to an unforeseen deployment to Afghanistan. He left in September and scheduled to come back for 2 weeks in May. He will be home for good in September, 2012. He loves his job. He is in charge of the northern ½ of Afghanistan’s equipment. He recently gave up all of the military vehicles to the Afghan army and now puts around in tiny little civilian cars. I giggle at the thought. We get to talk to him on the computer a couple times a week. We can call him whenever we want using a regular phone number and not that long 21 digit number I had to use back in 2003.

I got to facilitate a Theology of the Body class for adults over the Lenten season. I loved it! I wanted to continue in the Fall but, thanks to Roys deployment, I couldn’t add one more thing to my list. Instead, I use some of my time to take some Catholic classes with the Bishop Helmsing Institute . They have been great! They are classes for adults to continue their education. It didn’t end after Confirmation you know! I took on Roy’s TOB class for the homeschoolers on Fridays. It has been great. So great, in fact, that this is one of my biggest obstacles when Roy comes back! I don’t want to give up teaching this and Roy will NOT give it up either and I think teaching together will just be an interrupting contest between the two of us. Pray for us!

This is the first year that I have had all 8 kids home for homeschooling. I have a few different avenues for schooling them so I don’t have to do it all and the kids get to travel around, meeting other people and having different teachers. We have a large and religiously diverse co-op that meets at my church, Coronation of Our Lady. It is so nice to only live a few blocks away. Not only do we do school there on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays, but we are able to take turns going to daily Mass and volunteering whenever we want. Travel time has no effect. The kids also take a Writing class on Wednesday and Thursday in Overland Park with the finest, nicest and most productive teacher on the planet. Every Monday, I do a co-op with 3 other families. We rotate our homes each week. My dad teaches the teenage boys Physics and I teach the elementary Chemistry class and the High School Personal Finance class. Actually, Dave Ramsey teaches the class, I just pop in the video.

I haven't mentioned any of my kids yet! Oh well, they don’t have to make every letter do they?? Just look at the picture. They are bigger and one year older than last year. Enjoy.

In July, our church was blessed with a new priest. I had been praying so hard for a particular priest to come and God answered my prayers with a priest that I believed was too unattainable to even pray for! Wow. Have I learned nothing in my Bible Study!! Fr. Stephen Hansen. What a man! What a priest! What a saint! This is a man who is on fire for his Catholic Faith, so much so, that he has even made it contagious. He ran up to me in my car with an arm full of candles to show them off to me. Sometimes he will yell across the hall to say a Hail Mary for him on my way to the car. He stops me and asks me how I am doing and how Roy is doing. For the first time ever, I feel like I have a real spiritual father. He makes me want to be a saint. He makes me want to be a better wife and mother and teacher and child to my parents and to God.

The day before Roy flew off to Afghanistan was one of the most exciting days of my life. Sounds bad right? Well, not if you’re me! LOL. On September 8^th, the homeschoolers had our back to school Mass at our church with MY new priest. Yes, he’s mine and everyone should be jealous. The church was packed from front to back. Our family was sitting in the front row and got to witness my father make his very first Holy Communion. Yes, he is a Catholic now. I am no longer a child in a divided home. Haha. What a beautiful night. It was a perfect way to end Roy’s time at home. The very next morning, we drove Roy to the airport. Our van got sniffed by dogs for bombs because it was so close to 9-11. Makes me worried about why we are leaving Iraq and Afghanistan. I fear that we are inviting them over here. We have too many “Israelites” complaining, “We can’t afford the war….We should just talk out our problems with the enemies….We could never win….there are too many of them….they are giants!” Ok, well, I haven’t heard anyone complain about the terrorists being giants but you get the idea. Do you trust God or not? If we are to be handed over to the enemy, maybe it’s not because we couldn’t afford it or they are giants and we could never have won. Maybe it’s because of our own disobedience to God and His Law.   

On that note, Merry Christmas!!!

                                                                                                Love,

                                                                                            The Christy’s

Roy, Katy, Nick, Mary Kate, Samantha, Max, Theresa, Benjamin, Josephine, Matthew

Embracing my Interruptions

If I could give one secret to keeping my sanity, it would be this...Embrace my interruptions. This is on my mind every so often but now that my interruptions have multiplied, it is worth blogging about. Years ago, a friend of mine told me, "your interruptions are your life's most important work." I had to really experience this for a time before the light bulb went on. I began to identify every time I was interrupted and evaluate whether it was really important. Writing just a day's worth of interruptions would be impossible. I would probably get interrupted just trying to do that! Here are some examples that I had recently...

My Saturday is FREE! I can actually catch up on laundry, clean my room and maybe even give it a good steam vacuuming. If I can catch a break, I can write out the next quiz for the teen Bible class I'm teaching. I can't wait!

7 or 8 something  a.m.. Maybe 9. Who cares, its Saturday!  - The first interruption has already begun. I'm woken up by my 4 year old, Josie, asking me a question about having candy for breakfast." Uh...no.  Go away.  I'm tired. Why would you wake up your poor mother to ask if you can have candy for breakfast?" 

Just as my feet hit the floor, Matthew says, "Mom! Mom! Mommy! Watch." He is on my headboard, getting ready to jump onto my bed. It was nice for him to wait for me to sit up this time. I don't really put my feet onto the floor. They are actually on a carpet of socks. I am determined that today is the day that all laundry will be found and washed and every sock will meet its match and the rest pitched! I know, I know, I can't do this in one day. I've actually been working on this goal for a week now. The wonderful  children keep dumping out the sock basket several times a day for no other reason than they just passed it and it was there.

I begin with my morning ritual...fill my mug with water and one peppermint. Heat it up for exactly 2.35 minutes in the microwave and proceed to pull out the ingredients for French Toast. As they cook on my  enormous family reunion size griddle, Max runs inside with another chicken egg. He has to show me and tell me where he found it and what chicken it came from. He is all smiles. I hope this excitement of finding an egg never ends.

Next up, I hear complaints from the other room that someone needs a new diaper. Now it is time for some delegating. "Max, will you finish up the French Toast while I take care of the baby?"

Oops. Wait,  the baby just woke up! I'll be right back to finish this blog....

Ok. He is so cute! I think I will nurse him until he's in Kindergarten. Moses mommy probably nursed longer than that right?

After the diaper, Josie reminds me that her night time diaper is still on. While I am with her, Theresa and Ben come running in with big eye's and smiles and insist that I go downstairs to listen to their duet on the piano. I listen to it over and over since they have to start over every time a mistake is made.  I rush them upstairs to eat before breakfast gets cold. Everyone is eating except me:( I have to make another batch for the little piggy's and myself just as Roy calls on Skype. All the kids bolt from their seats and fight to squeeze their little heads into the web cam screen. Ben accidently pushes the wrong button on the computer and hangs up on him. The fighting has begun! I come to the poor boys defense and call Daddy back. All the breakfast is getting cold on the island while I am making another batch that the kids won't eat now because they are distracted by Dad.

Here we go again. I'll be right back. Nick just got home from work and a bon fire at his friends house. I have to find out how his day was and see if I can squeeze out some teenage drama stories out of him. In the homeschool world, it's a little boring. LOL.

I'm back. No drama. Just clean fun with 27 of his closest friends out in the country.

I better speed this up or I will be blogging for 15 more pages. I can't even get passed breakfast. I forgot about my hot chocolate!! Its not hot any more but at least the mint got completely dissolved. See? God has a plan for everything. He gifted me with an even mintier tasting hot chocolate.

My point? Oh yes, I had a point to this other than the daily grind of my Saturday morning.

How I embraced my interruptions will be a determining factor in my salvation, I can assure you. If you are the type of person that hates to be interrupted, you would not want to be me for even an hour. As a matter of fact, you probably wouldn't even want to call and talk to me for more than 2 minutes. The interruptions are endless...BUT, are they really my most important work?

Lets review. I opened my eyes this morning to see the cutest little red head with eyes bulging out in anticipation of what my answer will be about candy for breakfast. I choose this over any annoying alarm clock.

I look at my baby smiling from ear to ear because he is about to show off to his mommy how high he can jump and bounce.

I see the excitement in Max's face as he shows me another egg that you would think was made of gold. What is he really more excited about?  Finding the egg? Or showing his mom so I can share in his excitement? Oh, how much power I have!

When I change my baby's diaper, he plops himself on the floor, awaiting our allotted time together. About 5 times a day, we both can expect to be together just for this occasion. I sing or play peek-a-boo and he smiles and giggles.

I watch the smiles and giggles coming from Ben and Theresa as they play their piece again and again and again. They will never be this little again. I soak it all up and are grateful they didn't pull out their violins instead. It could have been worse.

I made all of this French Toast that no one is going to finish eating because Dad called. I could be upset but remembering my motto, I just take a deep sigh and start cleaning up last nights mess of a kitchen.

In the end, all my kids are happy that they talked to Dad. Theresa and Ben told him about their duet, Max told him about another egg sighting, Matthew says "Hi Daddy" 15 times. Samantha and Mary Kate get to talk to him without being annoyed with the baby's diaper fiasco from earlier.

The bear that lives downstairs awakens (Nick), gobbles up all the French Toast and I finally reheat my hot chocolate and get to drink all of its peppermint taste, in peace. The entire morning all worked out thanks to the interruptions.  

In case your wondering, I did finish the socks. I watch episodes of Murder She Wrote on Netflix when I do laundry. I pause it every time I am interrupted. It took me 3 hours to watch one episode because of my interruptions.  As long as I run my motto in my head several times an hour, I not only remain calm but it free's me to relish these important moments that I will so quickly forget. It keeps me happy. It keeps me sane. God Bless my interruptions!!

 

God is the Magnet

In my Theology of the Body class for Teens, we are working on the chapter called Naked Without Shame. It is about what life was like before sin entered the world. Why were Adam and Eve naked without shame? It seems unfathomable to us to have a world where everyone is buck naked. It could make a sane person be grateful for the Fall. lol. Well, I hope not.

There is a skit that is recommended to bring home this topic. It is called God is the Magnet. I personally like to call it the Naked-Without-Shame skit because it makes my teenagers giggle at the thought of what they may be asked to do. I love their reaction!! I don't get any volunteers but I get a lot of kids trying to volunteer their friends. Love it. Love it.

I need 2 boys and a girl. God, Adam and Eve. Adam lies on the floor. God takes a rib & makes Eve. Adam (played by my darling son, Nick) wakes up & see's God's gift. He's drawn to her and uses the common pick up line used all over the Power and Light district on Friday and Saturday night..."Alas! Bone of my bone! Flesh of my flesh!" Nick circles her, sniffs her and has to add "Hey, baby girl." That is NOT what Adam said! Time to move on. ...

I ask the class...What is going on here? What did Adam really see? What was Adam drawn to that fascinated him so much? What Adam (and Eve) saw was God. Yes, they saw God IN each other's nakedness. God is the magnet that drew Adam towards Eve. God is the magnet that drew Eve towards Adam. The difference between them and us is that Adam and Eve were able to see God clearly through their nakedness because they had a purity of heart.  There was no sin, therefore, there was no shame. There was no fear that they would see each other's body impurely.

Time for Eve (Jessica Neiderhiser) to ruin all humanity:( Eve pulls the forbidden fruit from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil (played by Annika Darby). Now, Adam and Eve cover themselves in shame. Again...What just happened? Now, they each have a fear that they will see each other with lustful eyes and lustful hearts. Now, this purity of heart and being able to see clearly has been clouded by original sin. We fail to see the original innocence that Adam and Eve had which is why we clothe ourselves.  God gave us a defense mechanism to protect ourselves, called shame.

How does this relate to the relationship between and man and a woman now?  When a man see's the beauty of a woman, he is drawn to her. So, what is really going on in the bottom of these desires?....As a man is drawn to a woman, he cannot see God because He is invisible. He cannot see His love either. It is not actually the beautiful woman who is drawing this desire. It is God, through the woman's body.

What happens when a person does not realize that it is God magnetizing us? If you do not see God, you will become dissatisfied with each other and move on.....and on.....and on, waiting and searching to find someone that fulfills your desire that only God can fill.

The kids sit down in groups and I ask them to come up with a list of ways that God's plan to live out our call to love one another can be blocked or even destroyed. This can be blocked by the devil, sin, pride, lust and selfishness. Since the body expresses the person, when the person becomes destroyed, so does our image of God.

Their lists included examples such as abortion (destroying a person who was a visible sign of God's love), Racism/Prejudice (buying into the lie that only some people show the face of God), Pornography (seeing a person as a collection of body parts rather than the visible sign of God that they are), Prostitution and sexual abuse (a type of slavery whose only purpose is to physically gratify others). There were many more examples but these were the big dogs. These examples are not the kind that merely darken our fog that was already there from original sin.  These examples are the kind that destroy, block and blind how we should see God and see God in each other.

Recently, a few people have been trying to convince me that they can see more clearly than I do about Bishop Finn because they have been sexually abused. This could not be further from the truth. Would God really create us in such a way where we see more clear when we are entangled in this kind of a sin? It makes me think that sexual abuse is being recommended to me so I can "see" with more clarity.

    This TOB skit could not have come at a more perfect time for me.  I love God. I just love how He comforts me and gives me little and big reminders about how He works just when I need to hear it.

Here I Come

 I have been teaching Roy's Theology of the Body for Teens class this year since he had to bail when duty called. There are a wealth of concerns that a family must deal with when a spouse comes home after a year. This TOB class will be my #1 concern. I love it and don't want to give it up!! What are we going to do?! In the mean time, I will continue to teach and put my whole heart into it. The past few weeks, our class has been working on self-donation....the complete giving of your whole self to someone else. Each student is to find someone to give 2-3 hours of their time serving and doing everything the other person wants them to do. Last year, one of Roy's students, Annika, had a water gun fight with her little brother in dead of Winter. That is what he wanted to do and that is what she did.  

I thought I would be a good teacher and do this assignment myself. I mean, really devote a couple hours to one person for the entire time. This was much more difficult than I thought it would be. Max and I decided to ride our bikes together. This would be perfect! Just the two of us! No distractions! This could be my 2 hours. I knew this would be a piece of cake.

Well? It was not as easy as I thought. He wants to take a different route to our normal biking trail that includes an ugly hill (actually, its a slope to some people. Bring out your level and I'll show you. Its an upward slope! aka, ugly hill).  I say, "Whats wrong with the way we normally go?" Then I remember my assignment..."Wait! No. We will take this new way."

He stops very shortly after we get on our trail because he finds a hiking path. "Max, we just got started. Lets ride some more." There I go again! "No. No. Here I come. I would love to go down the trail with you."

With mud and rocks and jumping live objects, Max says, "Mom, come over here and look at all these tiny frogs."

"Its OK Max, I can see them from here." UGH!! "Here I come."

"Mom, look at this long snake!!"

"No way. I hate snakes." Geez!!!! This was supposed to be easy!! "Here I come."

I believe that I failed at my attempt to be a total gift to Max for these couple hours. Yes, I remembered my assignment, brought myself back and focused but why did I have to do that so many times? I believe that I truly never really had the habit of being a total gift. I am trying to train my TOB students to be a gift ALL the time. Not just for this one assignment. I want them to see it, feel it, know that they are doing it and make it a part of their everyday life. Is this what I am doing? It's time to try again.

"Mommy!! Swing me!"

"You know how to pump. You can do it."

Really?? "Here I come."

"Mom? When are you going to grade my Algebra?"

"Can't you grade it yourself?" <eyeroll> "Here I come."

"Mom? Are you the only one that is going to eat dinner?"

"I fed you yesterday!!" Fine, "Here I come."

"Mom? Can I tell you my dream?"

"Sure. Wait till I change the baby's diaper." Pause and smile, "Of course. Here I come."

My most favorite motto is, "Your interruptions are your life's most important work." This is so true. If I could just get that motto bobbing in front of my eyes at all times, I would not be drifting off my path so frequently. Wouldn't it be nice to stay the course for longer periods of time? So, how can this be done?  I am trying to get through to my TOB students that they are in the training period of their lives right now. They are training themselves in chastity. Training themselves in faithfulness. Training to be a total gift of themselves so they can be willing and ready to give themselves freely, totally, faithfully and fruitfully to their spouse...holding nothing back.

So, what about their teacher? It is by the grace of God that my life is as pure and full of love that it is. I can't imagine how much more rich my life will be when I train myself the way I am asking my students to. I can train this old dog with a new trick. I can. My husband is gone and I can be free to give of myself to everyone around me if I can keep my eye on the ball. When he comes back, it will be a honeymoon that is more pleasing to God than our first.

SNAP, crackle, POP

Here we go again. I have to climb in the attic and dust off my "Support Bishop Finn" signs! I was SO hoping they would just disintegrate to next to nothing up there. That's what is happening to my "Its a Girl" and "Its a boy" yard signs so I know it can happen.

Our Catholic (which means universal, so it really belongs to everyone) Church is being attacked again. There is no real surprise there. The attacks only make it more evident that I am right where I belong. The attacks are expected even though they are frequently unjustified. As I scroll around the Bishop Finn Facebook pages, the hateful comments come from a vast majority of fallen away Catholics that desperately need to come home. Rome sweet Rome. They try to make us believe that the 1.8% of priestly abuses is what drove them away but any halfway intelligent person would clearly see the holes in that excuse.  That is like saying that I need to move out of my house because I found mold in the corner of my bathroom. Let me explain my analogy. I originally had put "dirt" but thought....wait, we can live with dirt. We can not live with mold. It MUST be removed or it will grow and be a cancer for the inhabitants. Making it in the corner of the bathroom is only to compare the size to the rest of the house. It is not meant to imply that it is insignificant because it is small and in the corner.  How about we just clean it up and continue to live here? What a novel idea! Pardon my sarcasm but these people are doing a serious disservice to the victims of abuse. The victims are not looking for a "gang" of supporters. They are looking for healing and justice...appropriate justice....on the appropriate people. They need our prayers!! The church needs our prayers!! The Priests and Bishops need our prayers!!  My "Support Bishop Finn" signs are useless and empty without prayer. The SNAP protesters are nothing more than an angry, ugly mob if they abandon prayer, which they have. I just went to the SNAP website and NO WHERE does it mention praying for ANYTHING. Even in the section I was sure I would find it in...nothing...nada. As a matter of fact, they gave a litany of ways you can help "make a difference." It had 12 "quick and easy ways you can prevent future abuse, and help already wounded survivors to heal."

When I read "quick and easy", I thought I would surely find prayer in this list. Nope. Nothing. Their last and longest plea on the list was for money.  No surprise there either. If you're not going to worship the true God, you're bound to worship a false god. It is in our hearts to worship and desire something greater than ourselves. If you're prayer life has been twisted into a spiral of nothingness, examine your love and pursuit you have for something else. Perhaps....money? Perhaps...the next party? Perhaps...sex? Gone off on another tangent again!! Focus Katy!!

So? What can you do to help the victims? According to SNAP, it's not prayer. God is not even mentioned.

When I stood in support of Bishop Finn, one of our Dad's invited the SNAP protesters  to pray with us. Not only were we turned down, they laughed and talked then entire time. Where are their hearts exactly? Why are they REALLY there on the sidewalks? Is it really for victims or does it stem from a hatred for the church....

"You will know them by their deeds." Matthew 7:16

How fitting. Praying for Priests and Religious on Vocation Day.

Courageous

Last night, I took 12 teenagers out to see the long awaited movie, Courageous. I have been counting down the days until this movie came out. Usually, when I get my hopes really high about a movie, I always end up disappointed. Even when the movie is great, my standards were over-the-top going in and ends up losing esteem as the story line plays out. I have never awaited and looked forward to a movie more than I did this one and I can tell you that it exceeded my expectations that were already put on a pedestal equal to their past films...Fireproof, Facing the Giants and Flywheel.

This movie was about fatherhood. It was about what it really means to be a man.  I'm talking, REAL manhood. The kind that stands up and fights for the good, crushes the bad, holds their imaginary weapon at all times in defense of their family, annihilate's evil,  leads their family as the spiritual head of the household and is willing and ready to lay down his life for his wife and children. Hubba-HUBBA. That is my kind of man!

Earlier in the day, I had a 2 hour Theology of the Body class with 20 teenagers. (The #'s keep going up each week!) We talked and discussed and watched video's all about LOVE. We defined it as giving of yourself completely to another person. Total self-donation. Our short 5 minute video was from the movie Princess Bride. Every command the princess gave to her farm boy was responded with "As you wish." Her farm boy gave his entire self to the princess. The girls in my class were fanning themselves at the end. This is what God has stamped into the hearts of men. This is what they want to do for us. This is what will fulfill them and give their life real purpose and meaning. Our only simple job as women is to be submissive to their calling. And NO Christian Neiderhiser, it is NOT "You wish". It's "AS YOU WISH."  (He's still single, btw)

Please head out this weekend to see Courageous. I wish I could say more but I have some total self donation I need to extend to my family which will include some hair-do's on baby dolls, puzzles, tickling and making eye contact for an entire conversation.