Forgiveness & Dirty Diapers

 

I have been reading a book called Boyhood and Beyond with my 13 and 8 year old sons throughout the year. I love this book because each story is only 2-3 pages and they each teach a valuable virtue in a language they can understand.

Today I read a story called Forgiveness & Dirty Diapers. The boys loved it because it started off telling about a man that collected dirty diapers. Every time he met someone, he would try to confiscate a soiled diaper from them. Whenever he was around people, he loved to show off his collection. He would always try to find the dirty diaper that belonged to his guest too so he could share it and remind him where it came from. His friends dwindled as time went on because they couldn’t endure his smell – his house, his car – HIM. He smelled of soiled diapers all the time.

This is a total BOY story isn’t it?! My 8 year old was bug-eyed the entire time.

Then the author used this story to talk about the “dirty diapers” that people give us – insults, hurtful comments, gossip, pride, etc. When people give us their…..lets say…..CRAP…..What do you do with it? Do you save it? Do you share it with others? Do you make your friend see it and smell it every time they come over? Do you make your other friends see it and smell it?

If you do any of these things, eventually, your friends will not want to be around you. They will be disgusted by you. They don’t want to know about other people’s “crap” and they certainly don’t want to be reminded about their own.

So. What are you supposed to do whenever you are given a “dirty diaper”? THROW IT AWAY. Keep a nice, sweet smelling home and toss out anything that soils or stinks it up. KEEP THE PERSON but throw away everything that keeps you from being kind and joyful.

What are we supposed to do when we give someone one of OUR dirty diapers – when we offend or hurt someone? We are to ask for forgiveness, ask them to throw away our offense and promise to never do it again.

Valuable lesson, eh?

All 3 of us were tempted to blurt out other people we know that have hoarded “dirty diapers” but this lesson was not about them. It is about US. How many dirty diapers do we have that need to be thrown away?

The boys and I gave several examples of the dirty diapers we were hanging on to – an annoying friend who said something insulting a year ago…. gossiping about another mom who sent me hurtful e-mails.

My friends and their friends want to be around someone who is happy, kind, sweet in speech and is secure that they will not be led into sin when they are with us.  

If you are interested, I highly recommend this book, Boyhood and Beyond by Bob Schultz

Totus Tuus

Totus Tuus (Latin for Totally Yours) is a Catholic program that brings 4 college students to a parish for what other denominations would call, Vacation Bible School.  These students could be local or come from states away but wherever they are from, they come for one purpose – to spend the entire summer teaching youth about their Catholic faith.

I had tried mercilessly to get my priest to bring Totus Tuus to our parish. Actually, I never really asked the priest. All decisions that went on in our parish were left up to the office staff and our deacon. When we got a new priest 3 years ago, I didn’t even have to ask. He told ME that they were coming!! And it turns out that the priest is actually in charge of decision-making in parishes. Who would have thunk?!

This year, our family was able to attend Totus Tuus on 2 separate weeks. The first week was at Our Lady of Lourdes in Harrisonville while my bigger kids were in Guatemala. It gave my younger kids something to do so they didn’t miss their siblings so much.

It turns out that all 4 of the Totus Tuus staff were on staff at Camp Savio back in June. All of my kids knew them already! I knew Samantha and Max would be jealous if they knew who I was spending my week with so I took selfies with all of them to send to Roy. My evil plan worked. They were jealousJ

This past week, we were all hoping and praying that the same team would be at our parish so Samantha and Max could spend more time with them.

They were!

Samantha spent all day and evening with them as they played and prayed together.

The week ended with an evening party at our house. We had Gaga ball, volleyball and basketball.

All 35 of us walked our hiking trails as we prayed the rosary together.

 

After all the students left, the Totus Tuus team and our family relaxed, talked and prayed together.

We are so blessed to be fortunate enough to host gatherings for such remarkable, selfless people. They inspire young people to keep their faith as they grow into adulthood. It takes great courage and self-discipline to keep and grow in your faith just after you leave home and are considered “free”. Yes, they are all free. They are free to choose the good. They are free to love and serve God. They are free to love and serve hundreds of young people this summer. They served my children and I can’t thank them enough for sharing themselves with them.

Pitching for Priests

There have been posters and advertisements for an event called Pitching for Priests all around the Catholic world. They were $10 a ticket so I was pretty sure that I was not going to make it. I couldn’t dump $100 on an event plus I frequently make the excuse that I already do enough “Catholic”stuff. I can’t do EVERYTHING.

Then one day, I was mingling in the back of church when our family’s adopted grandma, Grandma Marie, asks, “How many tickets do you want for Pitching for Priests?” She didn’t ask if we wanted to go. She asked how many tickets I wanted.

“Uh…..um. Well?.....” I didn’t want to give her my ungodly high number.

“How about I give you 7 tickets.”

Yay! I bummed Roy for 20 bucks for 2 more tickets and we were set!

For the last couple of weeks, I have been trying to figure out how I can get a group of Catholic young adults (18-25) to come together on a regular basis to play, learn about why they are Catholic, eat and play some more.

Light Bulb!  Why not invite everyone to tailgate at the Pitching for Priests game for a meet and greet?

Little by little, the invitations were getting out of hand. I invited about 250 families from my homeschool loop to stop by with their young adult child. Nick inadvertently invited EVERY Catholic he knew. And then my priest announces that our family will be tailgating before the game. Roy and I looked at each other in shock. We envisioned hundreds of hungry and thirsty people hovering over us with no real plan to meet or greet anyone.

We bought 54 burgers and 80 hot dogs. Roy spent a couple hours packing up the truck on Sunday with the grill, chairs, tables, etc. I spent hours filling up our van and car with food, drinks and all the necessities – paper towels, cups, plates.

We took 3 vehicles and headed off to T-Bones stadium.

What a night. Yes, we have flocks of people – including one homeless man….maybe a woman…..it was hard to tell – that visited our party. The young adults played Frisbee, talked, laughed, ate and never noticed the older crowd from my circle of friends and church family sitting nearby.

 

After my darling husband packed up EVERYthing, we headed in the stadium to watch the game.

The game was between the priests on the Kansas City/St. Joseph Missouri diocese verses the priests on the Kansas City, Kansas diocese. Undoubtedly, the entire stadium of 2,500 people were all Catholics. Instead of the typical music heard at a baseball game, we heard Ave Maria. When a Monsignor was up to bat, the crowd would clap and chant Mon-SEEN-YER! Mon-SEEN-YER! There were Catholic banners and t-shirts everywhere. The atmosphere was so warm and full of those fuzzy feelings we get when we are with a mass group of people we love. We all had something so dear in common. We were all Catholic. We all loved our Mother and we loved our Eucharist.

The priests came up to bat one by one. I knew most of them which added to the fun.  Each batter, each hit, each out, each strike, walk, run, base hit – every moment was exciting. I think what put all of us in a state of awe was the fact that all of these young and professional looking men were priests AND normal. They played GOOD! Who would have thought that you could bring 20 priests together and actually see a good and intense and enjoyable game?

Treasure with a View

I got a text message last night from our neighbor, asking if Samantha would be home in the morning because he had a treasure hunt planned for her when she wakes up.

What an intriguing message. If I were a few years younger, that may have kept me awake with anticipation and excitement. But no. I’m too old for that and slept like a baby…..a sound sleep like those of the NyQuil commercials and then awake every 3 hours throughout the night.

At 8 am sharp, Samantha received her first text message clue……

“Every day, rain or shine, the mailman comes with letters so fine. It is there you find your next clue.”

 

Benjamin walked with her as she went from one destination to another. I had to stay back to mess with my camera. It was one of those moments when you need something to work right NOW but couldn’t! I will spare you with my camera drama and jump to the next chapter.

 

First she runs to the mail box - then to the gate to the Longview walking trail - to the tree house - and then to her final destination. How I WISH I was there to see her face!! But no.....camera issues! Ugh! 

Samantha runs in the house, puts her hands on my shoulders, looks me in the eye and pauses. She knows, as even the 4 year old knows, that I might not hear a word you say unless I am looking right into your eyes just inches away.

“I’m not telling you what it is. You have to see for yourself” She says with an uncontrollable smile.

She wakes up all the kids. As everyone moves around in slow motion, Samantha figured out the problem with my camera and we were ready to go. Six of us and 2 four-wheelers went on an adventure through our land and then on the beautiful hilly land just east of our property.

There, we all saw this…..

The neighbor took a fallen tree and carved out a chair WITH steps!

 

This is the view that Samantha will see every time she sits in this “chair”.

 

Isn’t this amazing?

Several times, the kids wake up before the sun and travel to this area to watch the sunrise – always with the neighbor – and all the while, I am in my sound sleep with someone’s foot in my face.

Now she can watch the sunrise from her chair.

Read her books

Settle down after an argument with me

 

Settle down. Period.

Contemplate the purpose of her life

Enjoy and rest in God’s creation

Pray

As each friend comes over, we jump on 4-wheelers to show off this gift. This is your invitation! Come on over and enjoy the view!!

Comparing

Comparing

I have a terrible vice that I think I am just now starting to overcome. It is a vice that does nothing but disappoint me and hurts my relationship with my husband and kids. It is the terrible sin of comparing them to other people.

For YEARS I have found myself or other people saying things like….. (I’m using Duggar names just to amuse myself:))

“Why can’t you be as nice to your sisters as Jim Bob….”

“Can you be humble like Josh?”

“Jana braids her sister’s hair and plays games with her. Can you?”

“John David plays and laughs with his wife, see?” hint-hint

“If Jill can keep a clean house, why can’t you?”

“Joseph gets all of his homework done on time. Why can’t you?”

“Josiah can make friends with anybody. Why do you have to be a snob?”

“James always hugs and kisses his mom. It makes me jealous that you won’t do the same to me.”

“Jason can fix everything. My husband can’t do anything.”

I could go on FOREVER.

I am the example in this house and when you have a lot of kids, the vices I spread to them are so much more obvious. I have been putting children, teens, moms, wives, fathers, husbands on pedestals for years. I have metaphorically pointed at them and said,

“Why can’t you be more like him/her?”

There are two life experiences that really made the light bulb flash before my eyes and made me start changing how I speak and look at my family.

#1 I was watching the young men and women slowly lose their faith and fall off the pedestal I had put them on. This is just heartbreaking for me. I have a serious and deep love for teenagers and as I sit back and watch or hear about them turning their back on their faith and family, I get sad and then angry with myself when I look at how I had belittled my own children into being like them.

It turns out that all of these young people were not super-human after all. They are regular wonderful but sinful people just like my own children who may only be misguided for a short time. How long was I “misguided” as a young adult? Eeek. I don’t even want to go there!! Thank God for forgiveness and mercy!!

#2 I remember listening to one wife talk about how wonderful my husband was with fixing and building things. I knew where she was going with this since she was angry in her tone. This women had a husband who plays with his kids every night, walks with one child at a time to have man to man talks, and prays the rosary with them. He is the holiest and most humble man I know.

If she was able to miss all of these qualities she had under her own roof and just covet mine, I had to ask myself if I was doing the very same thing to my husband. Was I seeing the good in every other man and ignoring the gifts I had in Roy?

Uh, yeah…..I was.

Turning off the comparisons and looking at the gifts each member of my family has, has taken a weight off my shoulders that I didn’t even realize was there.

Yes, I am still tempted with jealousy when I see a teenager loving on their mom more than mine does BUT NOW, instead of complaining, I show more affection in the hopes it will be reciprocated equally one day. In the meantime, I will enjoy the gifts, characters and relationships that I DO have.

Being Grateful

One of my dear friends had asked a question on Facebook…..

“What can I do to teach my kids to be grateful for what they have?”

Needless to say, she got several replies.

“Charge them for everything they use.”

“Have them watch you pay the bills.”

“Send them on a missionary trip for a week” (That was my answer)

The best answer that she got was from a 17 year old girl. She said, “You teach your kids to be grateful by being an example of a person who is grateful too.”

I ad-libbed. She said it so much better than I just did! But she was so right! – Out of the mouth of babes….

I went to a friend’s home from High School a couple years ago who was a great example of someone who knew she was blessed and knew Who she owed her blessings too. Her husband is the president of a popular beer company and they were doing well. She was happy to show me her home and showed such gratitude for all of her gifts.

I have another friend who, by the American definition, would be considered poor. She lives in a small home with 8 children and her husband is out of work more often than on but every time I see her, she tells me about all of her blessings. She is always smiling. The very few times that she has shared her hardships with me, she always did it with a smile on her face and an enthusiastic anticipation of God’s plan for her. She sees every one of God’s gifts no matter how small they would look to us.

I have many friends that I could use as examples of gratitude. It is difficult to choose. As a leader at my co-op, I was told of a mom who had her tuition waved because of financial hardship and her husband being out of work. My mouth hit the floor. This was the most joyful mom in the entire co-op. Heck she is the most happy and joyful woman I know!!

This idea of being joyful, grateful and feeling blessed about every gift even if we don’t have money is not a foreign idea. People all around me have this joyful spirit. They are my examples. I feed off of them and bring it home to my own family.

Every day, I tell each of my kids how blessed they are for the infinite gifts we have. Nothing good that we have is by our own righteousness. Every trial has a purpose. Every hardship has a reason. Knowing this keeps me calm.

When my dishwasher breaks, I smile and wonder how God is going to work His blessings. He always does.

When the drum set my son wanted got sold minutes before he was going to purchase it, he almost cried. My eyes widened and I smiled really big and said……”God’s got this! He just put His hand in your drum set purchase. This clearly wasn’t the one God has planned for you.”

He got a much better drum set that came with extra parts, a book and DVD for a cheaper price.

Yes, my kids are still going to Guatemala this Summer for a week but I know that their real gratitude comes at a much cheaper price. I need to be grateful and I need to pass this on to my kids or they will be miserable. Poor or rich…Rich or poor, I need them to be grateful for everything good that they have and recognize every miracle God sends their way.

When something breaks…..When someone dies…..When trials and hardships rear their ugly heads…..

God is about to make something special happen.

Bible Study

Ten years ago, I attended a Catholic Bible Study in Kansas. It was open to everyone but the vast population were Catholic Homeschoolers.

The little kids had their own class called Catechesis of the Good Shepherd. When the kids walked in the room, they were in complete silence. There were different stations around the room and the kids would rotate stations alone. One station would consist of dressing up a small dummy in priest vestments in the proper order. Another station would be to pour water from a cruet into a water bowl and do that repeatedly. It was a great training in patience. The kids had to discipline themselves so they never dripped. The class was silent the entire time. The kids LOVED it. They felt like little grown-ups. They were given duties in their actions and character that were equal to mature and disciplined adults.

The teenagers were in a Bible Study class just for them. They would study the same book or books that the adults were studying.

I had such fond memories of this class. Nick (only 10 years old) and I would read the scripture lesson together and answer our questions during the week. I loved this time with him. We would ALWAYS start talking about something else, mostly about life lessons based on our readings.

On top of all the readings and homework, I also had a collection of tapes and cd’s of theologians that walked me through my studies. I felt like a cheater because I would walk into class and share my incredible “insights” with the group of moms.

One particular year, the Bible Study was on Jeff Cavin’s Great Adventure Through the Bible. It was a 24-week study that took us through all of salvation history from Genesis through Acts of the Apostles. It took us through 14 books of the Bible that walked us through the history. We learned how the other 59 books fit into the story. If any one of us had a good chunk of time on our hands, we could read the other 59 books as they fit into the story. (Ex. We could read Psalms at the time we were reading about David in the book of Kings. Or we would read Corinthians while we were reading about Paul visiting Corinth in the Acts of the Apostles).

I understood the Bible better than I ever did before now that I knew HOW to read it. And reading it from front to back wasn’t it!

Understanding the Scriptures opened doors and windows for me that I never thought could be opened. I could now open up books that I considered “over my head” – particularly, anything written by any of the Popes! I understood the Cathechism now. I was able to move on and study church history. And the most exciting benefit – I was able to defend my faith & using the Bible to do it. Heck, just learning the history of where we got the Bible, who wrote and who said it was inspired was enough apologetics for me!

I was so excited about what I learned that I started teaching it to High Schoolers in my homeschool loop. I spent hours upon hours preparing for that class. I wrote out my own questions for each lesson that were more child friendly and less thought provoking. I listened to all of the CD’s from Jeff Cavins and took notes. I made a gazillion color-coded timeline bracelets so the kids could keep track of the order in history. I watched dozens of Bible movies and found just the right 4-8 minute clips to have my students watch to help them get a real visual about the Old Testament stories. And just today, I finished up 29 Bible Timelines for the next school year’s class.

I have one student take home a Eucharistic Miracles book each week and do a short report on one Eucharistic miracle to present to the class just to keep their faith alive and well throughout the year.

I am pretty sure that the reason this class has been so successful for the past 4 years has to do with WHERE I prepared. 80% of this class was prepared in adoration – right there in front of Jesus Himself.