My husband is days away from leaving for an entire year in Afghanistan. I love him so much. He is my best friend. He is a man with a magic touch (as I like to call it). Whenever something breaks around here, Roy comes along and waves his hands around and everything comes together, tighter and more solid than before. I have been called in Ephesians 5 to be submissive to him. I am under (sub) the "mission" of my spouse. What his is mission? To love and serve me. Please, don't let me stand in your way, dear husband. I will be happy to be submissive till death do us part.
In these past few weeks, I have gotten the most heartfelt comments from people...strangers even. Grown men, with a tear in his eye, will come up to me with their fist over their heart and say, "Please thank your husband for me." Friends and family will stop me with pity and compassion and offer to help me during Roy's deployment. My elderly neighbor, who can barely walk, pleaded for me to call her if I need any of my children watched for any reason. Oh, how I want to boldly say, "It is I who should be serving you!"
If you have seen me in the past few weeks, you should have seen peace and joy. I have never felt the presence of God more. Even when I am alone, I feel like a puppy whose owner just came home. God is all around me. He is most certainly in the company that I keep but He is also in all the strangers I meet and even in the emptiness of my home and in my car. I feel Him so close that I get the giggles and want to clap like Tinker Bell. God has even gifted me with a new, God loving, future Saint of the Church priest. God is so good to me. He is so much better than I deserve.
So, am I walking around with the poor pitiful me tone?...Home AAAALL ALONE with 8 minor children and no husband? I only pull that out when I HAVE to...like when I have to take my car into the mechanic and REALLY don't want to be charged an arm and leg. You know, the same price Roy used to charge his unsuspecting customers. I will not be feeling sorry for myself. I will have my head held high and my sleeves rolled up. There is something a little exciting about taking on more responsibility around here. Truth be told...Roy is and enabler! His hard work kept me on the lazy side. The side that got to "fold laundry" for hours while watching the greatest tv show ever created, "Murder She Wrote". Netflix will be there next year. It will be ok. My withdraw and heavy breathing in a bag will be short lived.
It is true, not all my moments will be so full of joy. I found myself numb and still and tearful on my laundry room floor yesterday. Last night, Nick's emotions caught up with him as he listened to a young man with special needs read his report on a Eucharistic Miracle. He silently sniffed, wiped away one tear at a time and stared out his window for the 45 minutes it took to get home. Roy's days are numbered and we are both feeling it. We are both feeling inspired and fearful at the same time. We do not know what emotion we will have an hour from now. But we do know that we are well taken care of. We are well loved. But mostly, we have a communion of believers praying for us. We will be fine. Come What May.
God above me
God below me
God to my right
God to my left
- St. Francis of Assisi
I am an energetic puppy with my Master all around me.