Friday, May 6, 2011

Mother's Day

Finally! I now have an occasion to write about my mom. I suppose I can write about her anytime but what better time than Mother's Day? I can tell you now that I have written and rewritten this blog and can never get it right. It is so frustrating until I realized that it is impossible to really do my mom the justice she deserves in a blog. So, here is my 15th attempt! I listed 3 of my mom's title's that I have given her that represents my relationship with her.
Spiritual Advisor. ...
I consider my mom my personal spiritual advisor. Whenever I have a question about my faith or a question about principles or morals, I call her first. She gives me the correct answer whether I want to hear it or not. I have said on occasion, "Mom, I'm going to ignore you if you tell me anything I don't want to hear." LOL. I know she will always be truthful because her love for God and her Catholic Faith is far greater than any other love she has, including me. Whenever I am faced with a tempting moral decision (lying about my toddlers age to get a free meal...), I'm given gentle reminders or "the look". I don't like that look! I'd rather have the gentle reminders so she can "talk to the hand":)) But, "the look" is my gentle reminder that I need to reconsider my decision.
Best Friend...
Whenever I have a personal problem, she always gives me the objective answer with empathy and sensitivity. She does not hold back the truth to protect my feeling although she puts out every effort to be sensitive. Although I consider her my best friend, she is not the type to jump on my pity party band wagon. She has a love for me that does not provide the fueling of my fire when I have conflicts with people. She offers advice to help improve my relationships. I noticed that this quality is different than other families I have met. Moms and daughters and sisters tend to band together and stand arm and arm against the enemy. Although that may look like a strong family unit from a distance, all that really does is destroy a relationship between your sister and the friend she really had cared for. My mom helps solve and bring friendships back together.
 There was a clear split between being a friend and being a mother. She was ALL Mom until my wedding day. Overnight, she became my friend. As I grew up, she never once responded to the "all the other kids are wearing this....watching that movie...staying out this late...etc"  My most frequent complaint was the continuous pleading during every grocery store run to "PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE buy us the 'sugar' cereal" That is what my mom always called it. EVERY one of my friends had sugar cereal. She said "no" 100% of the time. She never gave in. My only hope of scooping up a spoonful of Coco Pebbles that turned my milk into chocolate milk was sleepovers and our yearly trip to see the McGreevy family in Ohio. As much as I love the McGreevy family, I think their sugar cereal took priority. Sorry McGreevy's!! Well, guess who won't buy sugar cereal for her own kids now?? LOL. Yep, ME! I'm not 100% though:( I can't resist the $2 sale with my $1 off coupon. I can't do it!
 She NEVER said a coarse word about how other parents raised their kids." No" meant "no" and she never criticized the decisions that other parents made.  I've been trying to carry that quality with my own kids but I have failed on several occasions.
As a Mom, she was required to bring me up in the faith. She tried her best. My father was raised Episcopalian, so she was on her own with teaching her girls the Catholic Faith. I know it was difficult for her. The Catholic schools were vastly different from when she had attended. Years and years went by and I had learned very little about the faith. Homeschooling was unheard of. Actually, homeschooling was just for the weirdo's. Still We said the rosary during every car trip to Ohio, which usually began in the middle of a fight my sister and I were having. I went to confession regularly and daily Mass whenever we could. Although I don't remember knowing very much about my faith, I remember having a strong relationship with God. Having that relationship got me through my teenage years with minimal scaring. I can thank my mom for giving me that strong foundation.  
She knew what the future was going to hold if she didn't nip it in the bud early. She made several things clear as I was growing up that she knew were necessary to have a happy and secure life.
     1. I can live at home after graduation if I'm going to college or I'm paying rent. I got my "Mrs" degree and off I went!
     2. We are never buying you a car. I don't think I would have like the car they would buy me anyway.
     3. If you come back home after you get married, your husband is coming too. When I made a comment last week that I was running away and moving in with her. She replied, "You can come by yourself now." I said..."Wait a minute. I thought you said I can't come without Roy?" She said, "That was true in the first few years of marriage when things are rough. Now, you would probably have a good reason." LOL. Wow. She has so much wisdom! All of a sudden, at least 5 or 6 memories came back of when I wanted to flee early in my marriage. I felt like I had no place to go so I was forced to stay work it out. How dare her make me work out my own problems! The nerve!!
     4. We are not going to be a daycare for your kids. We earned the right to be spoiling grandparents and that is what we are going to be...gosh darnit! Now I had to stay home because day care was too expensive and I was forced to see the joy in raising my kids. We all know where that led....7 more.
     5. We're not giving you any money unless your starving. So, guess who was forced to live within their means and eventually ended up debt free?? Yep, that would be us! And guess who now freely has their bank account open to us but we won't touch it? Yep, that would be my parents.
My mom's wisdom is phenomenal! Every child should be blessed with a mom with such wisdom. She knows...she really knows what people need to stay afloat and independent and HAPPY. It is so simple. She simply refused to enable me to be, dare I say, a wuss? ...a coward? ....a quiter? ...irresponsible?...dependent? ...all of the above? Best of all...I hope/plan/pray that I pass along all of these character traits and life lessons to my kids.
My mom was diagnosed with cancer a year ago. She went through the rigorous and painful tests and chemo treatments for months. She had to fast for days, drink liquids that tastes like acid, got stuck with needles repeatedly with some of the needles going to bed with her each night! ETC. ETC. ETCETERA!! She NEVER complained. She NEVER looked scared. She was always smiling and joking about her pain. Her attitude all came from her strong faith. This was her opportunity to offer up the most she has ever been able to offer up for the poor holy souls. She "gets to" carry her cross next to Jesus. This is her attitude. In spite of how her family (me, my sister and Dad) tried to bring her down (our pathetic looks and sad faces), she never succumbed. I need these memories to remind me how to treat my trials and suffering. I need them bad because I am a spoiled baby compared to her. I imagine I'm going to make a pathetic, whiny old person one day. Ho hum...

Thank you Mom. I love you and love you more and more every day.


  1. Katy, that was the sweetest piece about your Mom. I loved it! Makes me want to be just like her.

  2. Your mom is a living legacy. You indeed are a very blessed daughter.